A
male
age
41-50,
*JM
writes:Hi there,I had been going out with my girlfriend for a year, and things were great, we never argued, we got on really well - as best friends, made each other laugh, and both really loved each other. Basically there were no problems whatsoever. We would see each other lots during the university holidays, and visit at weekends during the term time.I recently started a work placement in another town, 1:30hrs from our home town, and 45mins from her university. I got a car so I could still visit her at the weekends. She's still in our home town, and I knew she was missing me a lot. Then suddenly she decided to break up with me because she said she was too sad when I was away, and she couldn't see it ever getting any better. She's quite young (just 21), and I'm 28. She said she was scared and confused about being in a long term relationship. She still wants to see me, so I visited her last weekend. I expected her to be cold to me after having dumped me, but she wasn't at all. She said she still fancied me. When I asked her why she wanted to break up, she said she didn't want to stop me from meeting the girl that I REALLY wanted to be with, and thought she was wasting my time...Can this really be a reason? I asked her if she was sure she didn't mean it the other way round, but she said no. She says she's not interested in any other guys right now. I really love this girl, and I don't want to lose her. What are my best options right now?
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female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (25 September 2008):
I think you should see her if you simply cannot help yourself ...I've been there before so that may be an option... or the better option could be to show her what it would really be like if you were out of her life, giving her the space that it sounds like she may want... if she really cares she will miss you & come looking wondering why you put a distance... this distance could benefit both of you... first because its sounds to like the thought of not having her around hurts you... distance yourself & concentrate on getting to know yourself & making yourself happy...then in turn you will know exactly how to make her happy... you cannot think clearly feeling the way you do...if she doesn't come back you still win because your happy ... nothing is worst than a relationship with a guy who refuses to listen & above all understand where your coming from...i was in a bad relationship & I'm terrified to give a guy a chance... I know your confused but try & be patient you will figure out if she is real or if its just an act on her part...if you can don't ask her why anymore, if you must call just ask how she is doing what she's been up to & leave it at that... I hope this helps you...
A
male
reader, PJM +, writes (25 September 2008):
PJM is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies, these are all really useful comments. I've read bits of advice on how to get a girlfriend back, they all suggest that you accept the break up, and then don't contact the girl for a while - some say up to a month. I made the mistake of trying to get her to explain her reasons more clearly last night on the phone, and she just said the same things, so I guess those are the real reasons. She said it's not so much that she's scared of getting hurt, but that she doesn't know if I'm the right person for her to be with long term. Even though we were really happy when we were together, she's got nothing to compare this relationship with - she's only ever had one other proper relationship.She still wants to see me, and we talked about meeting up this weekend for lunch and a dog walk. Do you think I should meet her? Of course I really want to see her, but part of me thinks that I should play it cool and not see her for a while to make her miss me and want me back. What should I do here?
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A
male
reader, zelgamer +, writes (24 September 2008):
 If you don't feel she was holding you back, tell her this, that you are happiest with her.
She may however be confused on what she is feeling for you, and may want to make sure she loves you. If you believe her words, then go for her, don't be pushy where it'll push her away, but let her know your feelings towards her.My wife and I went through the same thing kind of, we're both in the military, and I was deployed and then she got back to the states, and we were 6 hours apart, and she said she was confused... a long term relationship scared her, and she was tired of being away from me.
We ended obviously back together, and through time marrying. :-)
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A
female
reader, cidiera +, writes (24 September 2008):
she's very young. She's probably telling the truth, but think back on when you were that age. All you can do is tell her how you feel...that you love her and don't want it to end...and then let her take the reigns. Respect her wish for it to be over. If she wants you back, she will let you know...because true love can't keep you from the person you want to be with if the door is open.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): she just kind of sounds insecure, so try just explaining to her how you feel and she might come around
good luck!
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A
female
reader, breathless +, writes (24 September 2008):
just go with the flow no pressure and see where you stand in a few weeks time,hopefuly things will be a lot clearer then.
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (24 September 2008):
I think that she's possibly being honest about her feelings. maybe she's feeling hurt when you leave & hurt when she wants you & you can't be there... if she's worth try & make this work the way it is now.
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