A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm an American expat living in Italy with my Canadian fiance. I've lived in Italy since 2014, but am considering returning to live in the U.S. soon.For the past few weeks, he's been wanting to do this social media challenge which concerns him taking a selfie of himself with eight Big Mac and french fries, and then eating all eight in one sitting; he claims "I gotta do The Great 8 Challenge".Normally, he isn't this vulnerable to pressure and he's a good man, generally.But he's also insisting I do it, and this is all down to Facebook where it originated. He showed me the page with over 80 photos of people doing it!I asked him why he wants me to do it, he said "It's a bit of fun, and besides, money's going to COVID-19 charity for this challenge, so that's good."I don't understand the whole thing and think it's a bit sketchy; am I right to be concerned?There's also a second bigger issue here; I want to return to the U.S. soon, but my fiance's job out here in Italy wants him to stay, equally, he can't decide whether to come back to the U.S. (he's got dual citizenship from birth of Canada and U.S.) or stay on; he's struggling to make the right choice and it's causing me stress. For what it's worth, I'm a digital nomad/fashion model/individual who wantsto get into influencing.It's not like my fiance hates his job, but he's wondering if he can get it in the U.S. (he works for a Canadian company remotely, is their only employee here, with all the tax / work headaches that provides; however, they've been in the U.S. since 1984.).In my area, there's only around 250 Americans (well, local area) so I've got some sort of support network; however, we're both stuck and not sure what to do for the best.I really can't decide on the advantages/disadvantages of returning to the U.S. or staying here, just need some help on things.I'm not sure how to deal with the whole thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2020): My first answer was intended for another post, and the second answer is intended for you. There was a glitch in the system just the other day; so some of our answers were misplaced!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 September 2020):
 This is always a tough one. Because you want to make a HUGE decision that affects the both of you so you BOTH need to be onboard.
Moving to another country leaves a LOT of unforeseen issues. Things you (both of you) will have to figure out as you go.
You say you want to be an "influencer", That sounds rather abstract. OK... But until you can build yourself up to BE one you would probably HAVE to have a "REAL" job to cover your living expenses. What can you do? What skills do you have? Would it be FAIRLY easy to find a job that can cover your living expenses ? (where ever you want to live in the US).
What happens if you don't MAKE it as an "influencer"? What is your plan then? Have you given yourself a time-line? I know influencers and Youtubers/Instagram people can make a living doing what they do, but it is a VERY precarious and niche "job". I remember Pewdiepie mentioned when he first started out that he gave himself a year to do the Youtube thing, if it didn't pan out and be profitable as a job he would go back to work and keeping it a hobby. Well, for HIM it worked out but for many (the majority) it doesn't. There are SO many VERY talented people who never make it. And there are plenty of people with no real talent who do. You just NEVER know. It's a lofty goal.
Have you looked into jobs in the area? The job market?
Have you looked into housing in that area? Can you afford it on whatever income you can bring in?
And then there is your fiancé. How well does his job transfer? (if at all) Does he have skills that he could fall back on and work in the US? Since he works remotely in Italy, could he do the same in the US? Or is living in Italy an integral part of his job? Does he even WANT to move?
As for his "challenge"... it sounds stupid and unhealthy. And the kind of ridiculous social media trendy pointless stuff. IF he wants to do something CHARITABLE, he should DONATE the money the food would have cost (around $60) to said charity. Instead he eats and a tiny amount would go to charity. It's nonsensical! A MUCH better statement would have been him POSTING a picture with the donated amount saying I rather DONATE directly then act like a clout chasing jack-ass.
And as WiseOwlE pointed out, there is the November election. Which I think we are all hoping will be over and done with, sooner rather than later. Then there is all the political (non election) going on too, looting and riots. Some of it rather scary. Makes me thank my lucky star we didn't move to Oregon, as I would have liked to a long time a go ( the state is SO gorgeous and was on my Top 3 to move to when hubby retired from the Army, but sheesh what a mess! Between Columbian and Cartel pot-growers and all the violence that has been going on for a good 10 years now).
Do you have a support net in the US? Or are you on your own?
And like Anon said, this is about you. AND about you two. So IF you want this relationship to keep moving forward you BOTH have to find a solution TOGETHER.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2020): Nobody can tell you what would be best for you two separately and you two as a couple. I have moved to another country, learned a new language and I've lived here for almost 20 years. In my native country, life I have here would have been impossible for me. However many of my friends and family have stayed there (many more have left!) and almost of all of them have pretty decent lives. Me going back would be a bad decision, but for them everything's working out.Your wishes and dislikes are pretty clear from what you have written:1. You want to return to US soon2. You don't want to participate in an UNHEALTHY social network challenge.3. You don't like being pressured by your fianceHe to has some idea about what he wants:1. He wants to participate in the aforementioned challenge2. Without you thinking about going back to the US he would have stayed in ItalyHe too is pressured by you on a much serious subject than a (stupid) challenge. There's also a big difference in your jobs and life styles. But he too is into social networking, you have that in common. (my husband and I have zero presence on social networks and wouldn't consider an influencer a real job - an we would be wrong because the world has changed. So having this as a common ground may seem trivial because it is so present in today's lives, but it's not. Your fiance CAN understand you and take you and your ideas about your professional life seriously.)If you want to stay together, you have to be compatible learn how and when to compromise. Sometimes it is not possible. Every time when someone does something only to please his partner, they both regret it sooner or later. It's an invitation for bitterness and placing blame. My bf of 7 years never wanted to leave the country, BUT he told me in no uncertain terms that he would do it for me. He would have hated it. He's just not the type, he'd struggle on a personal level. Career-wise he might have had more success. I would have hated it if I have stayed there. And I would blame him and I would be completely wrong to do so, because like or not it would have been my choice. We are all responsible for the choices we make when we have the power to make them. I always remind myself that the great majority on this planet live without the luxury of making their own decisions about some of the most important things in life. I'm not talking about oppressed people, but the so called "free people" who don't have the means (money) to have their say in their own lives and the lives of their family (better education, moving in search of better jobs, refusing marriage...).You each need to do some thinking independently and see where you are at in your lives. Going back to US may be great for you, but not for him, for whatever reason. Maybe he loves Italy and the life he has there. And that's okay. Maybe you really want to go back and that's okay too. But you both need to be sure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2020): Chronologically, your ages are five years apart. As far as maturity and psychological-development; maybe you're more like 10 years apart.
The relationship only lasted six months. You had a lot of petty disputes and disagreements. He thinks he's messing with your head. Playing a little reversed-psychology. Suddenly he's agreeable, and cooperative. That's exactly what you want. Go with it!
It's not a game, unless you go for the bait and make it one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2020): The decision to return to your homeland is a personal one. No-one decides where you should live and where you'd be happy and prosperous. You should make that choice from your own heart. Is your family here, are you homesick, do you feel as at-home in Italy as you feel here? I really don't think you should let outside-influences convince you where you should be. It's far too personal, and if things don't happen as you've hoped; you'll feel a mountain of regret for listening to the advice of people who don't even know you! Maybe you should ask your family instead.
I think that unhealthy challenge is unsafe and ridiculous. You can give to charity without hurting yourself. People come-up with outlandish and crazy stunts; and tack something good to them to entice followers and fans. Don't allow your boyfriend to bow to peer pressure and make you behave just as immature as he is. If you want to make a donation, give; and let him scarf-down eight hamburgers in one sitting. If he's over 40, nothing could be more hazardous to his heart-health than fries and a bunch of burgers.
This is just my opinion. Depending on how the November 2020 elections turn-out, you might wish you'd stayed put!
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