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I put so much into this relationship but he broke up with me because he wanted to try other girls!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 November 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

My bf broke up with me yesterday, said like he got bored with me and wanted to try other girls. I am feeling depressed and i feel like i am worthless or something.

I tried too hard and put too much into this relationship, i couldnt believe he could do this to me. Why people are so mean and cruel. I wish i could hate him, so i can move on. I dont want to cry for an worthless fellow. Please someone help me for moving on. I dont want to call him and beg for an chance.

View related questions: broke up, depressed, move on

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (8 November 2010):

Stayc63088 agony auntMaria-consuela has excellent advice. I agree that a great positive spin to put on this is that at least you weren't cheated on and dragged along. I'm not sure if this is your first break up or first love or what. He just wasn't ready to commit. I can honestly see down the road aways that he will be thinking he made a giant mistake, let go of an amazing girl to see what's out there but found nothing half as great. And you will have moved on to someone who appreciates you and cares deeply for you. I know it seems impossible now. Truly impossible, you love him faar too much. But honestly I have felt the same exact way before. Actually it's interesting because I have old posts on here from a year ago about an ex that I just could not ever get over, wouldn't ever be possible, I don't even know how to LIVE without him. Now it's actually humorous to me and I have moved on to someone much better in so many ways. I wouldn't even give the ex a second look now.

Anyway it does take time to get there. Make sure not to rush into anything right away right now. It only makes you miss your ex more because you find yourself comparing the new guy to him. DO NOT call him. It not only gives him an ego boost but also hurts you more and sets you farther back on the path of moving on. Do things to keep you distracted. I would buy video games (not sure if you are a gamer or not) but it was a great distraction for me. Also new movies or getting into a new tv show provides a good distraction. All of this of course when you can't get together with friends or family, excellent sources of support. And of course you can always talk on dear cupid and send me or any other aunt an email if you are sad and need someone to talk to. Also change can help, like another poster said to get a new hairstyle. I remember last year I dyed mine and got a nose piercing too, lol. I rearranged the furniture in my room as well.

You will be okay. HE made a huge mistake, there is nothing wrong with you. You will be appreciated one day for all you do put into a relationship. Even though it seems impossible and so hard now you just have to trust all of us. Time heals all wounds and everything happens for a reason. Cliche sayings but true. Best of luck to you and your happy life without this loser.

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A female reader, Maria-consuela Canada +, writes (8 November 2010):

Maria-consuela agony auntThis is really never a nice thing to hear, or be on the receiving end of but I feel like you can spin this in a positive way.

Yes, he wanted to play the field - but hypothetically you could have continued a relationship with him and he could have strayed, stringing you along in the process.

Let it be a blessing that you are no longer with a man who isn't ready to commit, and give yourself some time to focus on you - Like others have said. Do things that make you happy, get your hair done, go to a concert of a band you love, sing loud kareoke with all your girlfriends after having a few too many.

There are so many wonderful benefits of being done with a relationship in which you weren't appreciated. You will learn very quickly that there are many suitors that will walk on eggshells to take you out and wine and dine you, and that it is at your discretion whom you pick and choose if you do at all.

You are the commodity, love. You are open with your feelings and wear your heart on your sleeve, which is wonderful. Just make sure whoever receives your heart truly deserves it. I would advise staying single for awhile. Have some fun, and don't worry about this guy. If he can't see how great you are, then you do NOT want him. Eventually down the road when you meet someone who really cares, all of this will seem trivial - but right now it is a great learning experience.

Don't call him, or text him - he doesn't deserve one iota of your time. Don't give him that ego boost.

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A female reader, followtheblackrabbit Cayman Islands +, writes (8 November 2010):

followtheblackrabbit agony auntHon, you are NOT worthless or undesirable...this is just the case of a guy who got into a relationship when really, he wasn't ready and still wanted to play the field. It's ok to cry, just get out the hurt and frustration so it doesn't stick to your heart and stop you from really moving on. Don't go calling or texting him. Keep yourself quite busy. The best way to forget someone is to stop thinking about them. When you feel alone or bored, that's when you're most tempted to get in touch. Go out with your girlfriends, get your flirt on. "Single" is a magic word. For now, stick to dating-you don't want to jump into a relationship so quickly. Get some time for yourself first. Go get your hair and nails done, get those sexy heels you've been wanting. Build up your confidence. Take a little trip somewhere you've been wanting to go :) You don't need this man and the more you get into a new routine and activity-filled life, the easier it will be. You'll be saying, "ex-boyfriend who?" in no time! Best of luck!

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A female reader, blonde30s United Kingdom +, writes (8 November 2010):

blonde30s agony auntdont phone text or contact him at all. thats a big no way. let him come to you. there isnt anything wrong with you and he just sounds like he doesnt do long term serious r.ships and if that is a case then there is no future with someone like that and the best thing to do is move on and find someone who does want a r.ship but take it slow. dont put too much into a r.ship so soon and date someone get to know them slowly first and let the r.ship build up over time.

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