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I never get out any more.... my boyfriend acts more like my dad and thinks he owns me!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2005) 5 Answers - (Newest, 9 November 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. I moved from my home town to be with him in his home town, and ever since I moved down, he's changed he thinks he owns me.

Never lets me go out with friends and acts like my dad. Should I leave him? I have left him before but foolishly took him back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005):

Your situation is pretty much like mine, we've been together for 3 years, and he has sooo many friends and i have one that he doesn't even like me going out with, and when i do go out, i can never go anywhere unless I feel like having a big dramatic situation later on, but let me tell you this, he may make you feel like you are his everything and he loves you and only you, but dont you think any guy would say that if you obeyed every word he said? and every time you argue, he's right? what guy wouldn't love that? It's our self esteem that is the problem here, we both need to realize our self worth, and take a path, path A, staying with someone you have a comfort zone with and knowing that if you obey you will always have someone "there for you", or path B, realizing that somewhere out there is the perfect guy for you and just let go of the past relationship and get back to you, and don't look for love, let it find you, and even if you don't find that special someone right away, at least your enjoying life with your friends and improving your self esteem for the next relationship. It's all up to you.

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A reader, benjiluver +, writes (7 April 2005):

benjiluver agony auntDump him. You never know if later in life he'll come ABUSIVE so go now while you're young.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2005):

thank for your advice bev its all true everything u said is him to a T, its just a little harder he owns the house and i know he wouldnt be able to cope with it on his own, i feel bad for him and am scared no1 will want me i have very good friends that say they will put me up for as long as i need, im just not sure how to go about it.

when its good its good but its still there all the time when friends ring up and ask if i can go out he stares at me and tells me i have no money and need to pay the bills etc. its gettin me so down i just dont know what to do?

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (1 April 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntYour boyfriend's behaviour is a red flag to me. I have experience in abusive relationships and I'm worried about what you've described.

One of the first things that abusers do is isolate their victims from family and friends. Your moving away from your town, and into his was a great start for a potential abuser.

The next thing abusers tend to try is to control where you go and what you do. They will often question you at length about who you saw and then make wild accusations of your cheating with someone else.

Beware if any of this begins to sound familiar, because the next step is often the stripping down of their victim's self-esteem, by telling their partner that they're worthless, stupid, crazy and nobody would want them. It might also take the form of dissatifaction with what you wear, or the way you cook, the way you express yourself or anything else that makes you, you.

In your shoes, I'd run, and fast. Don't let him manipulate you with guilt or claims that he "can't live without you". It's a ruse!

Get away from anyone who tries to run your life. Is he so well-adjusted that nothing ever goes wrong for him? Does he really have all the answers to life's questions down so pat that he can tell you what's best for you? I doubt it.

Give him loads of space, dear, especially if you've noticed any of the warning signs I've listed. And even if you haven't, why would you want to live with someone who doesn't have enough respect for you to let you live your own life?

Take care!

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A reader, chatorama +, writes (31 March 2005):

Unfortunately your boyfriend obviously feels threatened by your sexuality. He doesnt want to lose you again. You need to reassure him that he is the one ...(if he is!) and talk to him and express your suffocation.

However, if you are so bored with your relationship you cant make any more effort ... then move on and put the poor boy out of his misery. Whatever you do talk to him ... he wont change unless you tell him there is a problem.

Good luck xxx

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