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Her parents think she's straight & she cheats with men, but I love her...

Tagged as: Cheating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2005) 1 Answers - (Newest, 3 April 2005)
A , anonymous writes:

Hi,

I'm lesbian and in a relationship with a bisexual woman. The relationships has its ups and downs and to be honest, her being bisexual is a problem for me. My problem is that even though she loves me, I know some day she might leave me for a man as she has cheated on me with men before, and I'm not sure really why I'm still in the relationship except for the fact that I love her.

We have been together for alomost 2 years, and share a lot of good things together but I'm constantly wondering when next is she going to cheat with a man and when is she going to break my heart.

Please help because I love this woman and also, there is the issue with her parents, because they know her as being straight and she has a child... to prove it I suppose. What should I do?

View related questions: cheated on me, lesbian

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A female reader, Bev Conolly Australia +, writes (3 April 2005):

Bev Conolly agony auntI'm sorry to hear about the way you're being treated by your lover. She's not really working very hard to deserve your affection.

The fact that she's bi is less of an issue than the fact that she cheats with anyone, when you two are presumably in an exclusive relationship with each other.

She doesn't sound like she's very honest, I'm sorry to say. Having a child for any other reason than sincerely wanting to be a parent to one is troubling, though I know there are quite a few gays and lesbians who aren't comfortable sharing their sexuality with their parents.

You're really doing yourself a disservice, being this woman's lapdog. You deserve someone who's as respectful and loving to you as you are to her. What seems to be happening now is that you're "good enough" until she catches the eye of a stranger... and when she's done, she gets to come home to you. That's not fair!

Please talk to your partner and tell her that it hurts you that she's cheated with others. Ask her what she sees for the future of you two as a couple. Consider going to counselling either by yourself or with her (if she'll go), so that you can learn what's going on between you both.

If she's not serious about being your one-and-only, then you have to make a decision about whether you can live with the situation as it stands. Even though you love her, I can see you being hurt again and again by her cheating. Please consider that there is probably a woman out there who would treat you better than that... You just have to be free to find her!

Good luck and be strong, dear.

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