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*omerjsimpson
writes: Me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 and a bit years of which we have been engaged for 7 and 10 months. We have always loved each other so very much. We still laugh at each others jokes and have fun. Even say the same things at the same time, we think that alike. We were happy.April 2006 I had an oppertunity to do some work for my Dad who I love very much. The work was computer related and I kinda got very very envloved, so much that I didnt realise how distant I became to my GF. Until she said something to me in september. I never realised what I was doing and because I was in the same room as her after we both came in from work, it didnt feel like I was never seeing her. Since she threatend to leave me if I didnt stop doing this to our relationship we both agreed I could have 2 weeks to finish off what I was doing then it would be back to normal.I have now stopped spending all my time on the pc and want to spend more time with her. Problem is now changed from her never seeing me to me never seeing her. I could be slightly exagerating on that one but I was so shocked that we nearly broke up I am panicking. She can be around at a friends house alot or going out clubbing and I thought it was to avoid me. I would worry all night and when I tried to phone her I could never get through, (later found that the phone has a fault) and so these things would distort in my head as her avoiding me more and more. Every time she seemed not to have plans someone would be there at our home with her. I think I got through to her when I broke down in tears (something that I dont do that easily) She agreed that she would see me tomorrow, just us. She was off work that day and I was at work. She said she was going shopping with a friend in the morning or afternoon but would be home plenty in time for me coming home. 16:15 came and when I got in she wasnt there. I left it and just tried not thinking too much. Then she sent me a message about having went back to her friends and she would be a couple of hours. 21:30 came and still nothing. I rang her mobile and spoke to her again. She said that she sent me a txt message (which I later got) telling me that her friends mam and dad had baught chips. I dont know why but I was so hurt and dissapointed that she wasnt here. I had to face work tomorrow and possibly coming back to another empty house. She didnt really show any compassion and I snapped. I said something I regret saying but it was only to show her the pain I was feeling. If I could take it back I would. I said "Im leaving you" and put the phone down. She came back later on 23:00 and I didnt talk to her. I went to bed. The next day I didnt go to work, and I just lay there. She tried to speak to me but I didnt respond. It didnt take long for me to start to open up again. Maybe 15 min. I appolgisied for saying it and we kissed and made up... until I asked if we were allright. "I don't know" she said. She wanted to spend tomorrow away from me around at her friends house, she was looking after her grandads place and needed to house sit. I asked her if she would have gone if none of this had happend. she said yes. I kinda felt better with that. It was 11:15 and I just held her. She was waiting for a taxi at 11:45 to go to work then at 20:00 she would go straight to her friends. I broke down big time this time and applogiesed again for saying the thing I said. she said she loves me and that she just needs time to think. she left for work...I was allowed to send her txt messages but not to call. I sent 3 in total 1 of which was a poem I made up. It didnt really get to her that much. Oh well.I sent her a good night one for the last txt and she never responded. It was hard getting to sleep over that. (later found out she never got it..so thats why...) I spoke to a friend who said that maybe she just needs to feel special again. So I went to town and baught her roses and a eternity ring. The plan was that I would take her out and present the ring in the same place I originally presented the engagement ring. I rang her mams to speak to her sister as I didnt was to let on. Her mam answered and said she hadnt called and she wasnt there. Normally she would be early for her mam and dad but this was 13:30. I spoke to her sister as she had just come through the door. I asked her to do her sisters hair and what not. My GF had already agreed to come back at 18:00 as I said I would put the dinner on for her. 18:15 came and she landed at the front door. I played some romantic music and opened the door. I had a full blown suit on and said she looked pretty. She looked a little shocked. I presented the flowers and I held her. She made a comment on how her sister had wanted to try a new design on her for makeup and hair. I said, "yeah, that what she siad she would say to make it not look like I had asked." She broke down in tears and I comforted her as best I could. She had already invited a friend around for that night but I didnt say anything. She rang her friend to cancel as we wouldnt be here. I was taking her to her favourite restaurant. We ate, well I tried to eat, damn flu. she was tired and I wasnt feeling to hot. I took to the spot and presented the ring and part of the original poem that I said to her on that night of engagement. I was down on one knee for a long time looking into her teary eyes. "I dont know" she said. It started raining. We got back without much of anything said. We both just went to bed. I turned to her and said that I would just forget tonight and I didnt want her to be upset. I said I would ask her again when she was ready. I held her. Next morning I suffered an asthma attack and had to wait 2 hours for the doctors to open. I work her up and told her. We were very close. I have never felt that close to her in so long. I went to the doctors and they didnt really help. I went back home and went back to bed with her. I held her some more before she had to get up for work. She left and said she would be finishing tonight at 23:00. I pretty much couldnt breath all day. I waited and waited. I rang her at 23:00 but no reply. I got a call around 23:20 saying she had just been dropped off at the bottom of our street by some friends. She came in and saw how I was. I ended up in hospital that night at 01:20 with me having to spend 38 hours there. She had her friend around the second night. I discharged myself last night as I couldnt take it anymore I missed her too much. Im on the up but still got flu. Her friend was already at our home when we got back from the hospital. She dissapeared after a bit anyway. I tried to show her the affection again but I dont know. It seems that its all just a waste of time. Im dragging my deadbeat heart around at her side while she looks to leave me.Theres more to the story than what I wrote but to be fair I needed to cut it down some. I missed out all the parts where my mind would play tricks on my and I think she was sleeping around. Everytime the phone wouldnt ring I was making stuff up. You know how it goes. I want to end with every time I ask her if we are alright she says that she loves me and she knows I love her but she doesnt know.Im just so confused and scarred.I have heard of the break period but what if she finds someone else or if I go anymore numb with all of this I might not feel anything at all.
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at work, broke up, clubbing, discharge, engaged, flowers, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (11 December 2006):
 Don't look at this as the end of eight years of your life. This is the start of a new beginning. It is better that you figured this out BEFORE you have children or major finnacial commitments together. Ok, it hurts like salt in a raw wound, but do not let this shallow individual kill all your trust in the female of the species, we are not all like that. I hope you are healing and send you love and big BIG BIG hugs.
XXXX
A
male
reader, homerjsimpson +, writes (28 October 2006):
homerjsimpson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot much point in a reply any longer. She was cheating on me. I basically walked in on them. I guess I cant really say much more. Thanks for the time you took to both of you.
Thanks again Katylouise & willywombat.
There goes 8 years of my life.
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A
male
reader, homerjsimpson +, writes (15 October 2006):
homerjsimpson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell we both decided to spend some time apart (2 weeks) problems is, its only been 2 days and Im tearing my hair out. I am unsure if I am supposed to retain no contact at all or if any is better. She has become very short with txt replies and she phoned me regarding something I needed to know (not a relationship topic) and she seemed almost angry at me. She will not txt off her own back and Im worried this is going to be the end of us. Im around at my parents house for the remainder of the two weeks while she stays at home with the dog. I feel very very alone.
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A
male
reader, homerjsimpson +, writes (12 October 2006):
homerjsimpson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. Ill keep you informed to what happends.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (12 October 2006):
I am going to keep my answer short and not get bogged down in the logistics of what you have said.
You neglected your GF, she in turn found ways of coping with the neglect before she addressed the problem verbally to you. Then you addressed the problem and tried to get things back on the right track....but now you are unsure if your Gf feels the same way...is it too late?
I think if you tell your GF how you feel, have a converstaion with her about your future and don't play with the hearts and flowers stuff, keep it straight and simple. Don't play with emotions, just ask her outright. You might not like what you hear, but I think you will be able to deal with whatever it is she says. Then you can either move on together or apart, however she replies.
I wish you good luck my friend.
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A
female
reader, Katylouise +, writes (12 October 2006):
I had a tear when i read your story its really sweet. Your girlfriend needs to feel secure and so do you and you need to talk to her i think if you love this girl and you want to make you and her realise how serious you are about your relationship then i think now would be the time to think about setting a date for your wedding. That would be a good way to show your commitment to each other.
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