A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:well back in the 8th grade there was this wonderful girl i liked. she and i were going to be the perfect couple. long story short she found out that i liked her and i found out she liked me. so on the last day of school i wimped out and havent talked to her or seen her since then. i have also lost the ability to talk to girls as a result. fyi im average looking 5ft 11 140lbs and im gonna be a sophmore in hs next year also 4.3 gpa top 10 percent in my class. any advice would be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (14 June 2012):
 First off you have a lot going for you. But you have lost some confidence in you. That can be addressed.
However I hope you never quote the following when you are trying to interest a girl as it will end the conversation. Namely the following: "fyi im average looking 5ft 11 140lbs and im gonna be a sophmore in hs next year also 4.3 gpa top 10 percent in my class."
You do not need to quote statistics to interest a girl. You just have to be respectful and charm her with your lovely demeanor and be who you are.
And there are many different types of girls. Who all like different types of guy. So know who you are and the girls you think would most suit your temperament, whatever that is. Because there is a whole world of girls out there. Some will suit you and some will not. Studious girls. Talkative girls. Girls who are more social. Girls who are shy. There are noisy girls, girls who like to show off, competitive girls. Girls obsessed with who you know. Quiet girls and funny girls. You name it, there are variations.
Getting girls interested in you is not just about you.
It is also about how much you can interest particular girls, who you really want to know better.
And you may have heard the stories about the 'hot' guys connecting with the girls?
My answer to that would be, "Yes they connect, short term, but then often do not get very far and often not for for very long" Really 'hot' guys can be lazy, they feel they don't have to try. That the girl should be grateful for their interest. That is not the way to connect with girls who are discerning.
First observe girls before you make your move. Often the nicest girls are not in your face, are not loud, do not shriek and do not make a song and dance about everything. Pick a girl you think suit you and your temperament. And do not expect success the first time. It is trial and error. Note what works and what does not. It may not be you, it might be that you chose the wrong girl. This is a learning experience. There are guys 25 years your senior still learning. The sooner you become very observant and a very good listener the sooner you will find success becomes inevitable.
The nice girls are observing too, just like you. You will develop a sixth sense of which girls are interested in you. If the feeling is mutual then those girls are probably your best choice at first.
When you have noticed a girl you would like to know better, then notice how she behaves. Notice how she dresses. How she walks. What do those things tell you about her? Notice how she treats her friends. If she has no friends then proceed with caution. Notice if she needs some assistance, and ask her, 'can I help you with those books?'
if she is a nice girl she will be gracious about your offer, whether she accepts it or not.
You can even try practising (at home) your best "smile with your eyes, not just your mouth" Don't unleash it all the time. Use it very judiciously and not often. But well done and you will learn to thaw a girl who is not yet sure about you. Or Melt the resolve of a girl who thinks she might like you a bit. Sometimes a slightly cheeky smile by half turning your head towards her as you pass her and say hello. Trust me most girls will adore receiving such a (appears to be shy) smile from you.
When you do start to talk to the girl of your choice make it non threatening. Be pleasant. Greet her with a smile. Say something innocuous. About the weather. About something happening at school. Establish that you are a nice guy. That you are respectful. That you are well mannered.
Then it is time to get to know her better, so find a way to spend some times with her. Sharing lunch is one such opportunity. you will want her to be drawn into saying more about herself. So don't ask any questions that require no more than a 'Yes' answer or no more than a 'No' answer.
Instead ask her an "OPEN" question.
These are questions that start with:
"When did you first realize ....."
"What made the you decide to ......"
"How do you feel about ......"
"Why do you think......"
Listen Listen Listen to anything she tells you. Remember it. Use what she tells you to develop the conversation further. If she talks about going to a particular place (and you have been there too) then relate a little about your time there.
Then put in another open question so you get her talking again. Nod if she says sometimes you agree with. It will tell her that you have been listening. Do not interrupt her. You will (hopefully) love listening to her anyway. Girls know you care when they know you have truly been listening to them.
Compliments should be specific and timely - given when you notice the aspect you want to give a compliment for. Notice if she smells lovely. Notice when she has washed her hair. or has a new item of clothing on.
And respect her friends too. And respect her parents.
And if you say you will meet her at a particular time in a particular place then make sure you remember and that you turn up on time. So be reliable. Girls love it when they know you are reliable.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes with your efforts to reconnect with girls.
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