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I need to give my LDR g/f space but how much is right?

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 August 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 August 2013)
A male United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Hi All

Ive been in my LDR for way too long now (i should have moved to be with her ages ago). And if im honest about things i did take her for granted and was unreliable about a few things, i always made the most of time together though (weekends)

A few weeks ago though, i was genuinely quite ill and missed a concert we were supposed to go to, she was understandably furious and thought it was just me being unreliable (this is totally understandable!, i have not been reliable).. and didnt speak to me for 4 or 5 days.

We met up the next weekend, and things were fine.. i payed my half of the concert despite her mate going with her in the end.

But stupidly because i was so frustrated at being ignored while ill -i let rip in an email on the way home ( i know im an idiot)

She was fuming, and we didnt speak for a bit, after a couple of days though i emailed her.. and tried to get banter going

She responded a bit, but not a lot..and being an idiot i didnt keep the conversation light, just promised the earth etc (basically all the things we should have done)

She said the old chesnut about being fed up of let downs, not being sure anymore, so i said id give her space (yet didnt stick to it!!! i was emailing a couple of days later!!)

I KNOW this is the wrong way to do things, it comes over as very needy which is unattractive

So this is the current situation

we swapped a few mails yesterday (9 days after seeing each other last)

i sent her a light hearted mail, she responded in kind, and even agreed a day out together might be a good idea.

But like an idiot i got more serious!!, and she pulled back and pointed out i was gonna give her space and keep emailing her.

So- im gonna give her space, not be needy- but my question is how long???

I want it long enough to not seem needy, but do think i can turn things round if we meet..she said herself she 'always loves being with me'

Oh and we have not said we are on a break or split, and while i came off facebook to avoid seeing her updates, a friend has told me she has status still at 'in a relationship' and the pictures of us are still up as well, so we are NOT split up.

Part of me thinks the answer is 'wait and see if she contacts me'

But if she doesnt then i dont get the chance to even suggest a coffee

Part of me thinks wait 1-2 weeks, then send a light hearted mail suggesting a coffee, if she declines then take the hint and move on

What do you think?

Thanks

View related questions: a break, facebook, move on, split up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

cheers mate, what i dont get is though-

i reactivated my facebook (why should i hide away)

and she is commenting on my status etc..

why? she wants space?

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (28 August 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntYes back off n wait respect her boundary. Learn from me I just screwed up with that :/

Wait a week max then send a casual hi how are u my guess is shes worried about further investing into the reltshp because of whatever reason so shes pulling back n questioning. Good luck

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