A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Honestly, I don't know what my question is. Maybe I'm just hoping for reinforcement that I made a half-decent choice?Maybe I want someone to explain this silly boy's behaviour?Mostly I just want to get this out of my system.I cannot get over a silly boy. I think it is because I liked him, but wasn’t sure he was sincere about liking me. We started to see each other anyway. I decided he was sincere just in time for him to start avoiding me and start scoping out other women.I have written out all of the silly details, mostly to get this out of my system. I guess I can’t shake the feeling that maybe he did like me, but lacked the maturity to actually be a good boyfriend. Or maybe I was too late realizing he did like me, and that put him off.I know I shouldn’t care.I know that he was a bit of a jerk (possibly because he didn’t know any better at the time).I know I was a bit of a jerk in reaction (not that it excuses it, but my feelings were hurt, and I was going through a lot at the time outside of this boy rejecting me).We were only together for a month.He shouldn’t have said he wanted to be with me, or that he had liked me for so long, or that he hadn’t wanted to be with anyone in such a long time, right before he started to jerk me aroundI should have explained more clearly that I was still hurt from my last boyfriend (5 years, not ready to trust just yet) He shouldn’t have lied to sleep with me that one last timeHe shouldn’t have asked to borrow my favourite book that last timeHe should have thought up a gentler reason than ‘I want to pursue other people’ when I made him confront meHe shouldn’t have complained that he never read the book because it looked boring when he gave it back (as he was ending things)He shouldn’t have made plans to meet me after ending things (because he wanted to 'be friends')I should not have agreed to ‘be friends’ or arranged to meet him for dinnerHe should have at least given an explanation for canceling plans at the last minuteHe shouldn’t have called me two days after canceling on me (Valentine’s Day), hinting that no one had wished him happy Valentine’s Day (wonder why)He shouldn’t have followed that statement with ‘but the night is young and I’m playing a show, so who knows’I shouldn’t have returned the callHe shouldn’t have been so offended when I wished him ‘Happy VD’ (everyone else finds that funny)He shouldn’t have given me conflicting explanations for cancelingHe shouldn’t have then asked me ‘was that [canceling without explanation] rude?’He shouldn’t have asked me to see him before his band played (especially after mentioning wanting to meet someone at the show)He shouldn’t have been surprised when I said I had other plans (yay supportive friends)He shouldn’t have sent me an email entitled ‘total eclipse of the heart’ (not after he changed his mind about me, and frankly not ever, that song is ridiculous)I shouldn’t have sent the friendly (but not romantically inclined) replyHe shouldn’t have let me know all the fun he was having without me (like the camping trip he invited me along on before he changed his mind)He shouldn’t have said he would call me when he got backHe should have called meHe shouldn’t have been hanging out in my neighbourhood after not having contact with me for two weeksThe rubber plant shouldn’t have been in the middle of the lobbyI shouldn’t have had my arms fullI should have seen that stupid plant He shouldn’t have tried to flirt after untangling the plant from my bagI shouldn’t have been so pissed off that he was trying to flirt?I shouldn’t have left so abruptly?He should have asked me what was wrong (lost dream job due to funding cuts, then dog had to be put down, all in the day before I ran into him and the plant)He could have at least held the door for me (arms still full)I probably should have sent him an email explaining my shitty day (haven’t contacted him since, and he hasn't contacted me)I shouldn’t regret that I haven’t bothered to contact him since?I should have been coolerI should stop thinking about him so much.PS thank you to all who made it to the bottom of this overly detailed, and frankly, pathetic list. I am dating someone else now who is mostly perfect. The boy I can’t shake has a new girlfriend who he seems to like a lot. I wish she didn’t look so much like me, and I wish she wasn’t so cool. Frankly, I would want to be friends with her if it weren’t for him.PPS I should stop thinking about that so much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Ginalolabridga for reading this, and for your response.
After seeing it written out like this my choice to ignore him seems like the best one.
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