A
male
age
36-40,
*olac
writes:Ok ive been trying to find a vent and im out of ideas so let the internet pick at my problem, ok im a 23 year old engineer and I was dating a girl for over a year when we decided we should move in togther. All was good or so I thought I went to work and she was on and off work and then after a month we stopped having sex, I didn't think anything about this because it had happened before and when our sex life picked up again it was amasing.2 months passed and we had only had sex once when we had gone out and got drunk, well it was a normal day and we had gone to her parents had a cuppa came home and she said she had forgotten something at her parents so went off and I carried on watching tv. Half an hour later she came in with tears running down her face and said she didnt love me anymore and was leaving!. I was just shocked and went into depression for a couple of weeks came out and it all seemed ok well as well as it can be after that.its been 3 months later now and I cant seem to cheer up and its effecting my ability to make new friends or even start a relationship, now its not like im thinking of my ex as if I give her a passing thought once in a week thats alot. But its like my system just never came out of shock as in honesty I had never been dumped before. I just dont think my mind has recovered as when I was 15-20 I was a bit of a dog and would go through 2-3 girls a week which sounds really bad but it was just my way and now ive grown up I cant seem to even get one girl intrested because I constantly look depressed even when im enjoying myselfwhat can I do to cheer up and start talking to people like my old self again?
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depressed, drunk, my ex, sex life, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Girly123 +, writes (18 June 2009):
If I was her and I was ust telling you that i just fell out of love, it would be because i'm embarrased to tell you what's actually wrong. Your Ex sounds just as stubborn as me and it comes off as real bitchy and uncooperative, i know!
At this point, she's just thinking that she won't tell you what's actually wrong because she knows you still think about her and the break up hurt you. If you just remember that you tried to sort stuff out and she isn't budging, then you are better off without her! It's out of your reach, and hate to say, but you've kind of lost the control in the situation because the ball's in her court.
Just remember that good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): ive tried to speak to her so I can have closure and all she maintains is that she just stopped loving me so getting closure on why it happened just isn't happening but its not like we were arguing
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A
female
reader, alexroliepolie  +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Just be happy. It really is in your head. This happens to me all the time. I have an incredible life, but sometimes it just gets me down, and my best friend has to remind me to forget about it all and be happy. I know you're thinking "Sounds more simple than it is" but honestly, my friend, just forget about the sad things. Nearly the same thing happened to me as it did to you, and it got me down for a long time... Probably about 2 months or so. Don't think about her, don't think about why life is upsetting or frustrating or why you think it isn't as good as you want it. Look at everything with rose-colored glasses. It has worked for me in the worst of times. If your car breaks down, be grateful you have a car and that you can fix it instead of having to buy a new one. If your girl breaks up with you, be grateful for the happy times that you had together and for the lessons you learned from her. If you break your arm, be grateful you still have it... If you're attitude is good, your mood will be too. I am a firm believer of that. I hope everything works out well for you, dear. Just be happy. :) Life is good.
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A
female
reader, Girly123 +, writes (17 June 2009):
Mate, You don't seem to be too shook up about the fact that your girlfriend left you, but more upset at the fact that you've never been dumped. Maybe it is just an ego trip that is still a bit sore. Did you do anything to make her break up with you? Because from the sounds of it, a girl doesn't just run in a break things off unless there has been something that you haven't done or didn't pay attention to or haven't cared about. (Us girls are real bitchy about that sort of thing) Did you have a talk with her to see what was up?It's hard getting over a break up, for a lot of people anyway. A good way is getting rid of everything that reminds you of her. Have you ever thought that maybe you are the way you are because ultimately you know that you don't like being without her?When we are in relationships for a long time, we get into routine and when that gets disrupted, it is hard to get back on our feet and start up a NEW routine. You need to switch things up a bit. You said you didnt think that stopping sex was too big of a deal to process. But to girls, if you stop and you dont have your boy really perplexed, then we start to wonder whether you think we are attractive anymore or whether you are finding it from somewhere else? Assumptions lead to bad bad things a lot of the time. Maybe your girl was just too afraid to tell you about them and trust me, when assumptions are let loose to roam in our minds, they are deadly. We will think of the worst imaginable situation and if you (unknowingly of course) don't do anything to stop us, then it is a doomed failure waiting to happen. At this point mate, you don't seem too upset. Just accept that it wasn't meant to be because of your differences. Being broken up with is no big deal. It happened for a reason. Focus on changing things up. If that doesnt work call her and say you need closure. Closure is very important. VERY!
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