A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I seriously need all the help I can get!! I've been with a guy on and off for 4years we have a daughter together... we've had a very ruff relationship never seeming to get over each other... its almost as if we are both addicted... my sexual past being the problem, violence , and disrespect... I can't seem to get over him no matter how hard I try and vice versa... he's very big on women being subserviant which is why we are on and off... he's told me plenty of times he was tired of being alone and wanted sum1 who wud b there and finally those threats came true.. he said if I came home he wud end it but I doubted it... after my refusal to even deal with this he kept contacting me telling me he loves me blah blah blah... and all of a sudden it has become me and her being with him... I believe its disgusting to share a man...he has been giving me money spoiling me lately I believe to keep me under control and quiet...basically I'm over this I feel disrespected disgusted with him and me... but I can't just cut it off and not have contact because of our daughter... how do i tell him I'm not going to deal with this anymore when he won't allow me to move on?? by allow I mean knowing that I'm weak for him...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Vow, you are in a tricky mess! Yet, you are the only one who can help yourself. You make refernce to "addicted to each other", "can't get over him";Could it be that deep inside you are enjoying the way he is treating you?Or do you think, feel and believe that you don't deserve better? Do you have a low self image and lack selfconfidence?You are refering to you past without much detail, did this perhaps damage your self image?Addiction in any form is never healthy. But could it be that you are just use to the way he is treating you?That you feel comfortable with that as you have learnt to accept it?Can't get over him: Do you still love him?After everything do you have respect for him?I want you to do me a favour, go stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself, but I mean really take a good look, and then tell yourself that you love yourself, say it loud say it a few times.Then whilst standing there looking at yourself answer these questions: Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life?Is this the kind of lifestyle you want to expose your little girl to? Please make a commitment to yourself and to your little girl to do what is best.It might not be easy for you to do this on your own, and at times you might want to get back to old habits and comforts (with him) but I suggest you get the support from friends or a support group in your area, to help you.If need be seek councelling and make the change, if not just for yourself, do it for your daughter.I wish you lots of strenght and start loving yourself today!
A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (4 June 2008):
 Him knowing you are weak for him does not imply he is not letting you move on. He is just enjoying the ride you are letting him have. If you are not ready to let him go then you need some help for that, seek a professional counselor, spiritual guide or a very good friend in which you can rely. You can prepare yourself to leave this relationship but you need to decide to do it and look for help. Join a class, start a hobby, redecorate your home... choose a new project. When you feel ready, cut off the relationship with the obvious exception of your daughter.
Best of lucks!
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