A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, I really need some male advice because I am in an awful situtation. I feel like I am in living hell, I am trying so hard to get through each day but I need an answer..:(Basically, guy a year, he was my best friend and we were so in love. In the Summer we had a few fights, he moved away and starting acting different (saying he cant take me out for meals etc and started to making things "his way" and I didnt like it) i stood up for myself..but was sooo confused as he was such a lovely, decent guy who had changed into someone I didnt even know..we were going out a YEAR and he just cut me out of his life and has seemed to move on without giving me an explanation or a second thought, my dads dead and all of my friends have boyfriends and I feel SO betrayed and alone as I thought he was the one person in the world that wouldnt hurt me! I dont know what to do..I can barely sleep, think or concentrate at university and this is the biggest year of my life(final year) I cant seem to understand why he would do this to me without a explanation, just cut me off like I was a piece of rubbish. I go round each day faking a smile but inside I am dying, the life has been sucked out of me. I am a very nice person and people always said I could do much better than him but I loved him so much as I thought he was such a nice person with a really good heart. how could I have got it so wrong? how can i ever move on and stop this pain I am feeling? any advice would be great. a guys advice maybe because I can't seem to work this out at all :(
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best friend, move on, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kewuoygy  +, writes (12 October 2010):
I don't have sufficient details regarding your situation. But it looks as if you've got a double blow, first the passing of your dad and then this breakup with him.
You said he was your best friend, but are you sure the two of you were in love? Is it possible that you are in love with him, thinking that he must be in love with you as well? From my experience and observation, being a best friend and being a lover could be very different. He might have only wanted to be your best friend at a time when you were grieving over the loss of your dad. But he probably didn't expect to carry this relationship to the next level, and when you got serious, especially at a time when you were emotionally very vulnerable, he pulled back.
It's just difficult for men and women to have a Platonic relationship without at least one party getting romantically involved. He should not have offered friendship to you or been romantically involved with you at a time of grief.
In any event, it doesn't do you much good to keep asking why. Asking why will not bring him back. There are so many reasons. He might think you are not the type of girl he is looking for. He might have wanted only to offer friendship and support at a time of your grief......
Do you have any close female friends and a support network? Talk this over with them. I understand this is very difficult, since you are emotionally very vulnerable right now. But hang in there. You will get through this.
A
female
reader, natmarie  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Hi.I am really sorry you are going throough this. I too am going through the same thing. He sounds quite callous, and cold hearted, and I know you cannot see it right now, but you will be better off without him in the long term. When was the last time you heard from him? It is going to be very very hard to concentrate at uni, I know. Do they have a counselling service there you can use? or why not go to your GP? Natmariex
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A
female
reader, Lovehim4eva +, writes (12 October 2010):
Ok sorry im not a guy but i KNOW what u r going through. I understand everything. My bf just texted me saying we need time apart its not working out. Then rang id not speak cos i did not like the text and he said im glad i dumped u. Snd it went on from there everything was going perfect too perfect to that point. He just starting a couse which i believe is a big art of it he said did not like stuff i did but hardly let it affect him b4. Dont move on u love him then stay dont give up im not i leave him hint texts everyday tho i get no replies. I love him wiv all of my heart as much as u love ur guy. Just dont contact him for a week then try see what happens. Do u have facebook? Let me know and gd luck
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 October 2010):
My feelings are that this guy was never as great as you thought he was. I suspect that you put him on this pedestal and didn't see certain issues with him. As a best friend, he was probably all right because there was an amount of control he was unable to get over you. But when you crossed the line and became a couple, suddenly he showed his true colours as a controlling and manipulative guy. Maybe he was like that all along. We'll never know. All I know is that you seem to have thought so much of this guy, that he was SO good, SO decent, that you perhaps missed glaring issues. Finally, when you didn't give him the total control he was looking for, he cut you out.
You shouldn't be sat there ruining the last year of uni for yourself. That's a mistake. You need to turn this right around and get it together. You're basically ruining your university and the time you have left crying and worrying about some guy who was basically crap. He treated you like crap, trued to manipulate and control you, and now even when he's gone he's still having that effect.
He was not that great, at all. He was a liar, and he treated you badly. So stop looking for explanations, stop thinking you're rubbish and put your heart and soul into your university work. If you don't, this one guy will have crapped your life up for you. And what for? Nothing.
He wasn't a great guy, and you saw more in him than there was. Common mistake. Now come to terms with it, accept you're better and deserve more, and go live your life.
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