A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Oh goodness, where should I start? Alright well in the summer of 2009. Mine and Meg's best-friend Tina got pregnant. Tina was in a horrible relationship, abusive emotionally and verbally. Her boyfriend has issues with drugs and his mother had issues with alcohol. Nobody approve of the relationship was him, but we were always her shoulder to lean on. Anyways, so she got pregnant and of course was upset because she knew she would end up being a single mother at 16, (she was 15 at the time) because her boyfriend had charges pending and was waiting to go to court. He's in Jail now. Long story short, she aborted it and went through a lot of emotional issues afterwards, drinking a lot.. and etc. I don't think she handled it the right way.Anyways now the summer of 2010, Meg's pregnant and she has a way better support system to fall back on. Her boyfriend makes $20 dollars an hour, and she has a good enviroment to raise a baby in. So she decided to keep it, so of course she's excited and happy, talking about babies this babies that. Her and her boyfriend have a great relationship too.Anyways so It was just me and Tina today hanging out, and Tina says how she doesn't think Meg needs her as a friend anymore because of all the other support she has. She thinks she won't need us after the Baby is born and our friendship with her will slowly drift apart. (As it already has since she's so wrapped up in her boyfriend already)It makes me sad, as I don't want to be put in the middle, but I think partly of what she says is true. Meg has always been the innocent one out of all of us and I will admit it's pretty crazy to think about her pregnant. We all grew up together and it would be sad to see that this baby would tear our friendship apart and I don't really know what to think or do as they are both going through trials and issues, regret and happiness. I really especially just want some advice for Tina, to help her so she doesn't become depressed and envious of Meg because Meg could do it and she couldn't. What would you say or do if you were in my position, and Tina's?
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female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 First off, I don't think either of you ought to feel envious of Meg and her pregnancy and her boyfriend. She is making some pretty bad choices, getting pregnant now twice before she is married.Who is to say that this boyfriend won't dissapoint her down the road by not marrying her or by breaking up with her. She will still be a very young single Mom and that is hard, she put herself in a position that is not very stable no matter how it looks today.I hope for Meg's sake that it does turn out OK for her and her drama filled life is finally a stable one, however, I wouldn't hold your breath.I certainly hope the two of you don't hold her up as a role model and think your best life would involve getting pregnant and nailing down some guy because of it. That isn't the order you want to do things in. She and her boyfriend will have a VERY rude awakening once the baby gets here and they have to get down to the business of real life of taking care of it, raising it, providing for it on that $20/hour and getting along with each other.As far as your friendship ending because of the baby? I think you are going to have to realize that all pregnant women become baby obsessed and their focus is going to be on that, it's normal it's natural and it doesn't mean that she doesn't still like you or need you as friends. Her life is about to change and she won't have the time and especially the Freedom to do the things she did once as a care free girl, so yeah, it's going to seem to you like you lost a friend. It's something that you are going to have to accept and adjut to. The best thing you can do is to still be part of her support group and wish her well with her life and the baby...but the rest of the story is yet to be.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Friendships do change when babies come along and that's just the way it is. Accept whatever the friendship becomes and just go with the flow otherwise you risk losing Meg altogether. As for helping Tina all you can really do is let her know you are there for her if she finds this situation difficult and needs to talk to someone. Just listen don't offer advice. Sometimes people just need to rant without trying to actually fix the problem. Tell her you love her and will always be here for her.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (12 August 2010):
Not every person is the same Tina, has issues not meg, sounds like she lived her life through tina's life! and don't know how to move on. and is also a little enviest of Megs, new life. i would be happy for my friend! and can't deal w/ the fact that she screwed hers up? ex in jail feels left out shes doing a pity party she needs to get over it and live her life not try to be mad about someone elses good life. and you don't need to enable her just be honest w/ her if you are her friend! and also give her some credit tell her what she had gone through was not an easy thing and you are proud of her. smile at her give her a big hug and tell lets go see a movie. get in a positive mood don't linger on something in the past!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Wow. First let me say motherhood is bloody hard and not even close to glamorous at any age. I know a lot of mums of all ages who struggle to come to terms with what it does to their life. Even strong marriages between mature people can be strained... even old farts like me and my husband miss not having enough sex because there are always kids around.
Honestly? I think the reality of the struggle needs to be pointed out to Tina. She made an excellent choice to abort and she should know that she is wise and strong to have done it.
She is young. She needs to find the self- confidence to chose better men in her life if she wants to have a family. Working on her self-worth, seeing that she is worthy of love and respect. Tina needs to see a positive future for herself and realise that she can get it... if she puts he mind to it. WHo knows, maybe she might even see there is more to life than being a mum... and stop to enjoy a few years of feedom. She can think about whether she wants to set herself up for life with a career... which will mean she can be a better provider and may actually mean she rubs shoulders with some decent guys worthy of being a dad.
Phew... my 2 cents worth ....
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