A
female
age
41-50,
*ally79
writes:HI, I have a problem with my Fiance. I moved to the other side of the country to be with him as he was a passionate loving man. When i moved down her suddenly went off sex with me, and to cust the story short, i dicovered he has a porn addiction, which he strongly denies. I haev found countless amounts of evidence, 250 movies on his phone, thousants of porn sites in his computer files. He has not made love to me in 6 months but masturbates to porn every day as he gets home from work earlier than me. I even once caught him coming out of the bathroom with the laptop. I am slim, blone, pretty and will pretty much do anything in bed for him, but he will not touch me and rejects me when I make a pass at him, or has occasionally had reluctant sex with me, and made me face the other way. I know he has a high sex driver, but he fullfills it with porn, hard core porn too. I do not know what to do, i feel it is killing my soul, sapped me of all my confidence and I really dont know what to do as he refuses to dicus it. he shouts and gets defensive. I just want him to want me like he used to. We have only been together 3 years, please can someone give me any words of wisdom?many thanksSally
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addicted to porn, confidence, fiance, long distance, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sally79 +, writes (10 September 2010):
Sally79 is verified as being by the original poster of the question You have all given such similar advice, so it appears there is only one answer for me, as scary as that is... thanks for helping.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): CaringGuy is right. This is the only way in your case. Some posters will advise you to negotiate it out/talk, but the data you supplied indicates this case is non-negotiable, and you must terminate for any favorable outcome. Your boyfriend's addiction is not negotiable, so you shouldn't be either. Talking doesn't work for someone of this addiction depth. Only one thing does: Loss. Sad but true, and you have my every best wish for a happy life with someone healthy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): I feel for you because I know in some ways you are feeling rejected, as if you are undesirable. DON'T. this is his problem, not yours. I would suggest counseling if you are determined to save the relationship, but that is going to take him admitting there is an issue with his use of porn. No matter what he thinks of it, because he can justify it any way he wants, it is upsetting and disturbing to you. And by the way, if what you describe is accurate, then he has a very unhealthy addiction to porn. If he refuses to get help with you and go to counseling, I'm afraid your options are slim. You mentioned your confidence is low and that is no way to go on in a relationship. Really think about this for a while and ask yourself what you are trying to save if he treats you like this and gets defensive when you bring it up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Obviously, your man has a serious problem. What you need to do is confront him about it. Tell him how worried you are about his addiction, tell him your feelings. If he really loves you, he'll at least try to stop. If he doesn't listen to you, then he's just not the guy for you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 July 2010):
Tell him to get help, or pack your bags and leave. That is the only way this will end. Don't waste time and live with a man who prefers cybersex to you. There will be a guy out there who will love you far more, and pay far more attention to you. Give him that ultimatum.
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