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male
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writes:In March 2010, I met a lady(Helen,29) who worked as a waitress at a bar I frequent. During the following months we would talk and it seemed as if there was a strong connection and chemistry between us.Unfortunately, Helen was not available as she seeing a person(John, 31) I am friends with. The unusual thing is that she still lived with her ex-boyfriend of 10 years(Tim,28) but was seeing John. It seems as if Tim and Helen's relationship was on hiatus for a while, as they had decided they needed a break.The situation with John was not serious, and one evening, Helen and I had a drink which led to some kissing. However, we both held back because we both felt things were confusing. At the time, Helen was also being unusual in her behavior towards me so I stopped contacting her.From June to early August there was no contact, and then, in mid-August we meet and talk and kiss again... But her kisses were reserved and she would not give herself fully. She then told me that she is back with Tim(her BF of 10 years) and lives with him out of state while he is doing military duty(which is compulsory for young men in many European nations, where I live..). She then goes back out of town, but around the 10 of October we start calling each other and having extremely long phone conversations. Since then, we have been talking to each other almost every night for many hours. She will be visiting my town to see her parents and we talked about this. She expressed the desire to stay with me too if I was willing...As the situation between Helen and her BF of 10 years(Tim)was on my mind and having in mind the fact that we were starting to express VERY serious feelings for each other, I asked her last night about Tim and where this was going.Unfortunately, she is as confused as I am.I understood that she and Tim have an "open" relationship in that they both seem to have seen other people in the past. Yet at the same time,it is certain there is co-dependency between them... When I asked her about us,(because we have not been intimate yet), she replied that all she knows is that she doesn't ant to lose me, and when she comes to stay over at my house, whatever will be...will be.She also added that the reason we have not been intimate yet has been because if intimacy happens between us, it will not be meaningless...I agreeed with her on this.My problem is that I don't know where to go with this situation. I think she seems to be re-evaluating her relationship with Tim...whatever the case, we seem to share a deep connection which both of us cannot deny... Funny thing is, I am CERTAIN she has talked to Tim about this because she is truthful in all matters. I think this is an aspect of their "open" relationship.Maybe I will just be another guy she has been with in the context of this open relationship. But it doesn't seem that way...any advice on how to tackle this situation is appreciated...Thank You,
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female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1  +, writes (30 October 2010):
If you want her then do what you must to get her. She is in an open relationship...
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (25 October 2010):
 It's been proven she has never broken up with Tim, they have always had this open relationship..Which looks like it can get messy from time to time. The question you have to ask yourself you want to be in a relationship with Helen but can you share her with Tim too? You will not get her to leave Tim her boyfriend of 10 years, there is no monogamy here. Just polygamy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): She can tell you her relationship with Tim is "open" and that he won't care that she's interested in you all she wants. People can lie. She is truthful in all matters, so you are certain she's spoken to Tim about you? Have you heard it from Tim?
I don't know about this woman, honestly. Plus, she once dated a friend of yours. It sounds like she's a serial dater/cheater. Beware.
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