A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys I need help here. I have been dating this wonderful guy for 5 months, we live 2 hours apart so we can only see each other during the weekend. We have strong feelings for each other, he does everything to please me. We discuss exclusivity, and we are exclusive. He is always caring about my health, because I have a very bad asthma. I have never been a needy woman. I do believe that couples should do their things together and by themselves also. The problem with this guy comes when he told me once that before I appear he was scared to get involve in any relationship. I appeared and according to him I am the perfect woman for him and he has a lot of feelings for me, and he also says that he has never felt this way with anyone else. He say he likes everything about me, he says also that he is feeling new emotions for me but at the same time he is very scared. We have hung out with his friends very often. They know me, last time we talked about this he told me that he was scared of me leaving him. I also told him( because I have an strong temper), "ok, you are in an exclusive relationship, so suck it up and deal with it". I am not a person that likes to be dominant, I want my partner be with me because he wants to, so this situation makes me feel that I am obligating him to do something that he doesn't want to do. Also rather the days we normally see, I am always making plans for us to see each other more often. He is always agreeing with seeing me when I make those plans, but he never asks me to do it, it never comes from itself, and I honestly don't understand why he acts that way. If he has those feelings that he has, why I am the one who is doing all the planning? Does this have something to do with all his fears? I don't know if I should leave him or not. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2008): Hi Ms anonymous,
Thank you for your clear and intresting post. Because of all the hard work you've done, it seems you need little advice at all.....
"We have strong feelings for each other, he does everything to please me"....."I appeared and according to him I am the perfect woman for him"..... Well it seems he loves you and he's very sure about that. You seem to love him to and despite your doubts you think he's wonderfull.
"He says also that he is feeling new emotions for me but at the same time he is very scared."... Ok he's nervous, love sometimes can make you feel out of control about how strong he feels about you.
"He told me that he was scared of me leaving him"... sounds like love.
"ok, you are in an exclusive relationship, so suck it up and deal with it" WRONG, WRONG, WRONG... Please have some heart, and have some compassion for your man. He's head over heals in love. Maybe he's not as dominant as some guys you've know in the past. Can you try to modify your speach... Something along of the lines.... "Honey, I love you, I am not going anywhere." Do some kissing and stuff it will make everyone feel good.
Right planning arrangements. Maybe he's no good at arrangements. Well that's alright, you make the arrangements instead. This is such a young relationship, where is the happiness that you should be sharing. He loves you, you think he's wonderfull. It's only 5months things will get better in a while.
" am not a person that likes to be dominant... He is always agreeing with seeing me when I make those plans, but he never asks me to do it...." Well why ask him to take you out on a date, then he'll have to arrange such stuff. He's your boyfriend he can make arrangements and so can you. Besides, he's in love, say it would be nice to go on a date with him next Saturday and leave the arrangements up to him. It might not happen, so that's the type of man he is.
He loves you, but he's feeling insecure, but maybe he has a reason for this... "Does this have something to do with all his fears? I don't know if I should leave him or not."
Maybe you should think about what you want, maybe this is not the guy for you."
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