A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am currently engaged in a pleasant long distance relationship with a wonderful lady (we have been together 1 yr). We do not have frequent contact, but I care for her very much and we enjoy the time we spend together. I cannot see myself loving anyone more than her.The problem is that I recently realized something disturbing. I am an aspiring physicist (currently freshman in college), and have ambitions in the sciences. I am in the process of applying for transfer to a more rigorous institution on the other coast of the USA. When I was analyzing what would happen if I was accepted, I realized that I would attend even if it meant losing her. This made me realize that no matter what I think or claim, I care more for my physics and math than for her. More than anything, I want her to be happy, and it seems that she deserves someone better than me, who can give her the attention and care she deserves.In short, is it fair to her if I continue my relationship with her, even if I know that physics will always matter more to me? Or should I break up with her?Thank you.
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ambition, engaged, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (1 February 2009):
You seem to think it's up to you alone.
If you want to put your career first at this point in your life then that is entirely up to you. To be honest I would do exactly the same thing. This just isn't the time to throw it all away for the possibility of romance.
What I advise is that you just put it all out there and talk to her honestly. She may be content to continue on dating you on a casual basis till you leave, she may want to split up now.
As long as you are honest with her then you are doing the right thing. Decide what to do together, what will cause the least harm to both of you when it does end.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (1 February 2009):
 This is real life. We got to make choices and they ain't always perfect.
Some people allow "love" to rule their lives. They focus their entire life around it and usually end up miserable. Their happiness depends on another person.
You are not like that. You have a passion and that is physics. That is something you control. It is your own life. Maybe you will that share that life with someone, maybe you won't. But no matter what happens you will have that life.
I wouldn't say you don't care enough about her. If you didn't you would just use her as a gf for the time being, then dump her for a local girl. That you are worried about her shows you care.
Talk to her about this. You are both still young and there will be things you want to achieve. She might very well have dreams of her she wants to chase. It could be both of you go after your own career, keep in touch and meet up later. Or you loose contact and drift apart and all you are to each other is a memory.
Talk to her and life your life. Together or alone but always going where your heart carries you because life is to short for anything else.
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