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I love my girlfriend but she is too loose. Why? This is a real problem for me, it takes me ages to reach orgasm.

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Question - (16 January 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 26 May 2009)
A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Good Day everyone. I have a problem..this is linked to my sex life..

Most of the time, when ever I have sex with my gf, I could hardly feel her. It is so loose that I dont know what to do and due to that, it takes me ages to get an orgasm....sometimes I fake it since I use a condom, she doesnt notice much. I am afraid to tell her as it might hurt her feelings but I would like to know, why is this? it feels like she has given birth to 10 kids. I dont mean to sound bad, but this is effecting me internally...could it be because maybe she has had it before with the bigger guys? Or frequent sex? Or maybe she has even had a kid? She claimed to me that before me she was a virgin, but I am honestly doubting this looking at the penetration problem. However, she says she feels me deep. I love her very much and I want to make love to her..but what steps can I take to resolve this and why does this happen? Do all women go through the same thing? I have had a couple of flighs before and never encounterd this problem, its simply happening to the one I love most. Please help me out as my mind is being driven very negatively theese days. Thank you.

View related questions: condom, orgasm, sex life

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A male reader, ciaociao Australia +, writes (26 May 2009):

A couple of posters here have suggested it was perhaps another problem. That perhaps you used too much lube, or that you were too accustomed to masturbating, or whatever. However, I get the impression from your post that you are quite certain about the cause to the problem.

Myself, I've been with two girls whom were indeed quite loose. They both just weren't "tight", so-to-speak. All the rest of the making-love experience in these two instances was great of course -- but there is something to be said about a loose vagina, a girl can have one at least at some points in time, and the experience for us can be disappointing. Sure, it's not the end of the world and you can still have great fun, but when I compare to my other partners whom were normally strong/muscular/tight in these respects -- it is a *world* of a difference, believe me!

So if you are sure it is her problem, then I would concur to the other posters whom suggest talking with her calmly (don't blame her, talk openly)... and hopefully she can try doing Kegel exercises and such, and see how that goes. As a last resort you could even try seeking professional help, but that would only be a last resort of course, if kegel excercises and any other methods you might try haven't helped.

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A female reader, CarrieMagdelene United States +, writes (16 January 2007):

CarrieMagdelene agony auntHey hey! What kind of condoms are you using, buckaroo? If you're using lubed condoms, that's probably your problem. Try Trojan Unlubricated condoms. Too much lube can make it TOO slippery! Also, mention kegals casually to your girlfriend. This is when you tighten up all of your pelvic muscles, including anal and vaginal. She can even do this while she pees! To do it, simply cut off the flow of urine, hold for ten second, and release a little bit more, hold for ten seconds, so forth. Note: this can be painful afterwards. :) Also mention that tensing up her vaginal muscles around you during intercourse *hint hint: I've done this, it works* really can increase the pleasure for BOTH of you! Keep trying and surfing the net for more info! Enjoy life. -Carrie

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A male reader, kakaman United States +, writes (16 January 2007):

I used to have a similar problem. I would go for a long time and I thought it was because my girlfriend had a big vagina. Then I realized that my problems were emotional. Judging from my experience you can have a few different problems.

It could be that you are not entirely comfortable with your girlfriend. Is this a fairly new relationship? It is difficult to allow yourself to be really sensual with someone you are still getting to know. I used to be very self-conscious and awkward during sex. I was so used to pleasuring myself that I did not know how to allow someone else to help me. You have to communicate certain things to your girlfriend and not get impatient with her. Once you show a lack of patience or perseverance it might make her close up emotionally.

You really need to talk to your girlfriend about what you like. I wouldn't tell her she is 'too loose' because that almost sounds like an accusation. Try telling her you want to try new things with her. This might invite her to open up to you and vice versa.

Try to avoid absolutes. Don't say "you are always loose". Or "I can't finish because you are too loose". DON'T tell her that the other girls you have been were tighter. She does not need an image of you with other girls running around in her mind.

Maybe you should try asking her to pleasure the rest of your body in different ways. There are plenty of other areas that can arouse you and make you feel comfortable with another person. Try asking for kisses all over or gentle love bites. If you do the same to her, or iniatiate it on your own you may find yourself getting more aroused.

Also, regular condoms definitely take away some sensation. Thinner condoms or a drop of condom-safe lubricant inside the condom sometimes restores some sensation.

When I started having sex with my girlfriend I approached it with the idea that it was going to be just like masturbation. A hand and a vagina are completely different. Why is that? Because you know what you like, a new girlfriend doesn't. Try to enjoy the experience and try not to take it all too seriously. It should be warm and fun.

I hope this helps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007):

This is really quite a tough Question, Its a hard subject to broach with your girlfriend so try to be as nice about it as you can. Im not really sure of the best way to approach it to be honest.

I dont think I would like my partner to tell me that I was too "loose", but then how would the problem get solved otherwise?

So just be extremly careful and try to look into a solution before hand so you can try to help your girlfriend as much as possible.

And to answer your question about whether all woman have this problem?, its purely a biological thing woman dont need to have had a child to be "loose", its just the way god made them. Im sure your girlfriend will be very embarrassed when you tell her so just be careful, I can't stress that enough.

Ok good luck and I hope everything works out for you two.


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A female reader, kim6906 United Kingdom +, writes (16 January 2007):

try talking to your girlfriend about this problem women would rather you be honest. maybe try talking to her about pelvic floor exercises i have just had a baby 18 weeks ago and i do my excercises all the time she can do them anywhere while making a cup of tea for instance tell her she will get so much more pleasure and feeling as they help tighten up the vaginal muscles maybe she would find it a big help to discuss this with her GP what have you got to lose?

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