A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how do i tell him it's over? we've been together for 3 years his daughter was born one month when we started dating and he told me he didn't know he was having a kid with his ex...that she lied to him about the abortion.. we have a 3 month old daughter together.. which he didnt want either.. ever since he lost his job a year ago everything went downhill i was pregnant and working my ass off when he was over there talking to other girls online and getting their numbers.. yup he cheated on me while i was pregnant TWICE!! the second time i packed my stuff and bounced he called me crying telling me to come back and did it all for my baby girl i wanted my family to work out.. our relationship is horrible.. he never took me out!!! birthday sucked anniversaries like any other day he never bought me anything special i dont remember the last time he gave me a HUG or the last time we held hands or KISSED;( i love him.. but i need to let him go.. im a woman who needs affection i dont ask for much from him he knows that i dont even nag about who he callin textin or where he goes with his friends.. and all his friends think im the best thing that ever happened to him.. they always tell him that im a "keeper" dont let that one go..i feel so neglected by him he always forgets about me ALWAYS!! but i want my daughter to have a mommy and a daddy together in one house unlike his other daughter seeing her parents fight and curse and two different cities its not healthy its sad but i held my tongue for too long im so done.. i deserve to be happy.. what do i do? its been 1 1/2 years ive been miserable but i love him hoping he will recognize me LOVE ME but i can only dream..
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abortion, cheated on me, his ex, lost his job, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 June 2010):
 You already know what you have to do. Time to drop this guy before you have any more children with him. And I believe that when you're frustrated enough, you'll do just that.
However, I want to talk about something else. You need to not only break up with this imbecile, but you need to change your criteria for eligible guys to date. This guy had red flags written all over him. He got a girl pregnant and took off? How could he possibly not know that his ex had a kid? He should have been AT THE DOCTOR'S office when she had the abortion. He was oblivious to the ex. Now he's oblivious to your pain! And, he was oblivious to having safe sex. He got his ex pregnant and got YOU pregnant. He'll get the next girl pregnant too.
This may sound horribly unromantic, but getting together with a guy should be a lot more businesslike than it is. You should look at a guy with the eyes of the future. What's his past like? What's his job record? Is he in debt? Has he ever been in trouble with the law? How does he treat his own family and his parental obligations (if he has kids).
Don't just get rid of this guy, but insulate yourself from ever getting into this situation again.
A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 I think the best thing to do is give this relationship a time limit, so that you feel that you are for sure making the right decision. I would like to see you just try this little experiment...Decide that YOU will be the best girlfriend for 2 months. That you will support him encourage him, give him everything you wish that he will give you. When he does do little things praise him acknowledge what he is doing right, tell him that you like when he does such and such. (When people hear what they are doing right they want to do more of it) Try it honestly for two months and if nothing changes on his end you will know that its a dead end and that it is time to move on. And you can do so with confidence and knowing you gave it 100%.Side dish: My mom left my dad when I was 3 and she remarried I am so happy she didnt stay with him because of me I love the dad that adopted me as his own and we are an amazingly close family ...Goodluck in whatever you decide to do!
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A
female
reader, ctds001  +, writes (19 June 2010):
Hey Honey,
If you are miserable then it is and has already affected your daughter.
You need to bring her up in a happy envirnoment and show how to build a good relationship with RESPECT.
Leave this jack-ass and move on.
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