A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the past few months my husband has been threatening divorce, and it's been really lowering my self-esteem. We got married and moved to the states this year. He is able to work, and I wasnt able to work since I had no authorization. Recently, I got my papers which give me the permission to be able to work so Ive started to look into part time jobs. Yet, he is no matter what still pissed off at me,picking because of my low education level. Everyday, I hear it how one day I will recieve the paper that he as filed for divorce. He threats to cut off funds for basic needs. Personally, I think he is cheating on me because he has been staying at work late, we dont have sex, no signs of love from him at all. No hugs, kisses, no I loves you's. He has changed totally from being romantic befoe we moved here to the States to being like to me as if im a problem in his life. I love him, my feelings never changed but he'sjust become so cruel to me. It is affecting me and I dont know what to do. Is it time for me to look for a lawyer and just file for divorce myself ?I know that no one deserves to be treated this way. I really need advie. Tx
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (30 June 2008):
 The change in situation may have a lot to do with it.
Before you came to the States, you were a normal, self-sufficient woman. Now that you're in the States, suddenly you seem below-normal, unable to work, and with a low educational level (that never bothered him before).
Perhaps he himself is struggling in the new environment and he wishes that you were better able to cope or help him. Whatever it is, your new situation appears to have put strains on the relationship, attacking it from its weakest points.
This is just my guess. It sounds, anyway, like the relationship has been damaged, possibly beyond repair, and was susceptible to stress from the very beginning. Going to the U.S. has brought this out, because going to a new country often shows whether or not a relationship is strong enough to last. It tends to bring out the fault lines that may not have been visible in a more benign environment.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 June 2008):
 No one does deserve to be treated this way. With him threatening as he is, I'd recommend moving on. I know it's hard to make that choice with how you feel about him, but there are times there is no other choice. You have the right to be safe, to feel important and to be loved.
I'd say he shows signs of not being faithful as well. I wouldn't guarantee it, but I feel there is a good possability.
Sometimes, even when your trying, it's still not going to work. Unfortunately this game requires both to participate. Sory your marriage has taken this turn. I do feel for you and the position your in. Now, it's time for you to be strong for yourself and do what's best for you. I would seek an attorney's advice and begin the process. Remember this, even if he begs you to stay, if you did, before long he's be back to pulling what he is now.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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A
female
reader, twisted +, writes (29 June 2008):
 You already know the answer to this, there is no debating and you know it. You need the courage to move forward but most likely with your loered self esteem and being in a strange country (most likely with no family) and only working part time, which is probably not enought to support yourself, you're scared as hell, and you should be, no question.BUT..............things are only gonna get increasingly worse. Go see a lawywer but for God's sake, keep it from him! Don't let him even get a whim. You will get alimony, trust me! You will start over and it will hurt but it will of course, as you know, get better with time and eventually you will happy again and won't believe you ever doubted this decision. You NEED the courage to leave, you NEED to put your fears aside, you NEED to get out. Please don't wait any longer. Put your head on straight and do what you already knew you had to do before you even posted here.
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