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female
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anonymous
writes: Hello therePlease help. I have had a very rocky relationship for the past 14 months, but love each other much. He had unloved upbringing and can get very angry and finds it difficult to deal with situation. After many arguments, usually over his unreasonable behaviour he has decided to have counseling. Just as we were getting somewhere and with him starting to open up alot more, he has had to take a works transfer 5 hours away from where I live. He is begging me to move up with him. I love him and do want to be with him and we both want children ( I realise at nearly 35 my time is running out to have children and I am scared of starting again). Should I go with him and leave my wonderful family and fantastic friends (he does not talk to either him mum or dad) or should I stay here and free myself in the hope of finding someone else? Because of his controlling behaviour my sister and friends do not like him alot, but i do love him alot but is it enough to give up my life here? Im so confused it unbelievable. I worry I will miss everyone so much.Please help me sort my head out!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (27 November 2008):
 Blue_Angel needs a new keyboard!
8-)
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (27 November 2008):
You are sooooooooooooo right! You ARE worthy of having someone who will love and respect you. Don't allow his attempt to control you to stop what you are thinking. Keep it in your mind that you CAN DO BETTER!!! YOU DESERVE IT! THTAT YOU DN"T NEED HIM!
I hope that you have a Wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou so much blue_angel - I think you are right, he probably will never change, I am sat here typing again tonight after yet another fall out. he told mne I am crasy to htink about letting him go and I will end up a spinster whos hit the menapause wishing I hadnt screwed things us with us. I must be insane to ever think about a future with this guy.....
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (19 November 2008):
If he has a controlling nature you need to decide if that is acceptalbe to you. It really shouldn't be no matter how much you love someone. Love is all about taking and giving. Sometimes one forgets to GIVE!
He could be wanting you to move up with him just to get you away from your family and friends. This gives him more control over you and the things you do. Controlling is not Loving. Control is just that Control.
Allow him time away from you to figure what he wants from this relationship whilst you are rethinking what you are really getting from the relationship with him. Sometimes when one person feels the need to CONTROL the other in a realationship it can turn out to be a very bad situation and can lead to abuse.
Since you are already drawn to him and you feel love for him it won't be easy to let him go without feelings of longing or possible guilt. You must gain control over those feelings and show him that you can be where you are for now that if his heart is really in it and providing he continues conseling that you can consider moving at a later date.
You need to make preparations moreso than he because he is distant to his family but you aren't with yours. Not to mention your friends...and rememeber he doens't like them maybe because you pay them attention that he isn't getting all of it for himself. He doens't want to loose you. If what you two feel is real love he must accept the fact that you Love your family and friends too.
You can let him know that preparations have to be made. Make no time promises, just make sure whatever you tell him you hold up to. He will be counting on it. Don't rush to make the move until you feel certain he is doing better in the control department. Healthy relationships aren't about Control. They are about sharing, comforting, communicating, compromising and many other things. Don't let the feeling of love sway you to give up who you are just to be with him.
I feel you are striving so hard to make his life better that you are forgetting about your own happiness. Pray about your relationship. You can't fix him but you can love him.
*Just a note. Don't stop loving when you love, sometimes love runs so deep that it completely changes everyone and everything around it.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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