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male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone.Dont know where to start or how to word this,so here goes.Ive been with my partner now for 18 months.Its been a happy relationship and next month (valentines day) we are due to get engaged.Im happy about that thrilled infact and i feel they are the right person who i want to spend the rest of my life with.But now all of a sudden i need some space,its come out of nowhere nothing has sparked it off there has been no argument nothing and i am still in love with my partner.I dont know where this has come from all of a sudden.Does this sound normal? Any advice would be great as to how i can overcome this.Thankyou in advance.
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male
reader, wes  +, writes (16 January 2007):
Your life is about to change and you are filled with mixed emotions. I agree with the other posts and will emphasize that what you are feeling is normal and acceptable.Marriage brings with it a level of commitment that can be overwhelming. Having a baby is the only thing I can think of that is more permanent. We commit to our jobs, homes and friends as it suits us. We are committed to our parents and family yet we did not choose them.At the same time you may be fearing a loss of individuality and with this can come anxiety. If your partner appreciates you for who you are and hasn't tried to change you then find comfort in this. Talk to your partner and be open with your feelings. He will understand and appreciate that these feelings must be dealt with. Men tend to repress their feelings and spend less time figuring them out. You may find that he is experiencing the same feelings or even help him to acknowledge and understand his own feelings.If you are going to take time away let him know; Not for permission but for understanding. He will.
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 It sounds to me like you're just a bit overwhelmed by the thought of getting engaged. That doesn't mean you don't want to, just that you need some thinking time. Is there anywhere you can go for a few days just to have your space where your partner doesn't have to come, maybe your parents or something so that you can have a little break? I think the break will put it all into perspective for you and you'll miss him so much you'll be desperate to come back and get engaged etc. Give yourself your space and I'm sure itll all work out fine.
CD
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (16 January 2007):
 This sounds like it's all just getting a bit much for you, with the engagement planned and everything. It seems like you love this person and want to be engaged to them but something so big can hit us quite hard and we can start backing off and panicking, as we don't know how to handle this responsibility and experiences we've never had before.
I think you need to talk to your partner. They may be feeling the same as you, most people have some type of cold feet when things start to move forward and you go from 'lovers' to 'fiancees' then into marriage, hopefully. Once you've got all this off your chest, you'll feel better and your partner will be able to understand better too. This will mean that they don't freak out thinking you don't want to be with them anymore because of your sudden distance.
Maybe you need a bit of space. Spend time with other people and spend some quality time together. This is an important time and you need to decide whether this is really what you want. I guess it is, you're just panicking and this is normal, as I've said. Just relax and enjoy this exciting time. Everything will fall into place if it's meant to be.
Good luck
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