A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been best friends with this girl for 17 years. I've seen her in and out of many relationships. I don't think she's ever been single. She always felt 'complete' as long as she was in a relationship regardless of how unhappy she was. I always heard her rants and raves. She's been with this guy for about 5 years and they have 2 kids together. I don't like him at all! He left her when she was 8 months pregnant for some other woman. Came back into her life when their son was abut a year old. Baby #2 came into the picture and he left again for a few months. I helped her with both of her kids while he was gone. She forgave him and he moved back. Every time he came back I was no longer needed. He doesn't allow her to hang out and when she does ... she texts and calls him the whole time. She cried about how he's hit her and bruised their baby in the past, yet she'd leave the kids alone with him and still stayed. In their 5 years together he's never told her he loved her because he says she's not skinny enough to love! She puts up with a lot of stuff and I know it's not my life, but I love this girl. I hate seeing her with someone like this and gets me upset knowing she's so mentally weak she can't leave and it angers me. I honestly can't listen to anymore of her complaints because it will piss me off. I'm so close to ending this friendship because of this. She moved out of state for him and can't come back because he won't come with her. She's here on vacation for 2 weeks now and he threatens to not let her see her kids if she stays out with me or anyone else. She texted me the other day telling me that death is her only way out of her relationship ... today, she's all smiles and happy with him again! Should I just let this friendship go? It hurts me to listen to anymore.
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female
reader, rytntyt +, writes (5 August 2010):
Wow, thats deep. You have bee a true and loyal friend, you have showed up beyond the call of duty. But don't allow yourself to get confused, friendship does not in any way shape or from make you the person that is supposed to make sure that she makes good decisions, feed herself, feed her children, pick great boyfriends, husbands, etc. You are her friend, you are not responsible for the actions that she takes in her life. The conscious decisions that she makes she owns, those decisions will be what takes her along her way through this turbulant life. Thats just the way it is. You have been there for her even her man or family members were. You need to cut the tie. SHe has 2 kids now, and I am sure that when she goes to sleep at night she is wondering, "how the hell am gonna get my stupid ass out of this mess."
SHe needs to be re-built, she needs to be not only told but shown that she is capable and able of having a life with her kids without "asshole" around. He's a power tripper, cuz thats all he's got.
But if still insist that her life can not and will not happen if he is not in it, then like with the rest of the world, your gonna have to let her follow the path that she has created for herself. That is what living this thing called "life" is all about.. Good Luck and God Bless
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Ahh we always feel sorry for those who are hurt, I know u want to help her because u love her but u cant help someone who doesnt want to help themselves. This chick has a lot on her plate that she keeps pushing around with fork thinking theyre going to magically disappear. Usually, I feel sorry for these girls as well but we must remember they put themselves in that situation and theyre the only ones who can get themselves out. Youre at her beck and call when her sperm donor is out of the picture..Think about if she actually mustered up enough strength to break ties in which she could never entirely break ties there will always be custody battles, and baby daddy drama do u want to keep being in that? Bottom line, lessen up on the friendship, dont be as available to her, explore other hobbies, start dating, put enough space between u and her toxic relationship as possible.
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