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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've lost quite a bit of weight this past year, and it certainly shows. I'm a bit worried about myself, however. Back when I was overweight, I never wanted to get into relationships. I really felt I needed to make a solid first impression first, so I finally did something about it. I decided to live a good single life until I lost that weight.I've come to realize that I seem to be getting a bit shallow. While they are some attractive overweight females out there, I'm not interested in them at all. I feel horrible about it. How can I turn away someone like that, when I used to be overweight as well? Of course, I'm still new to this meeting girls thing, and I'm filled with confidence now. Still...I don't know.Is this wrong or normal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): You're not shallow.I'm a woman. I'm fat. And I'm eating right and working my ass off at a boot camp fitness program three days a week at 6am to get in shape. I'm not going to be a hollywood size 2, but I will be average and I'll have a figure again that I can be happy with.For the first time in years a guy has been flirting with me, and you know what? I don't want to go out with him because he's too fat. Now, I like a husky guy, don't get me wrong. But my physical preferences in a man are for him to not be so skinny I could snap him like a twig (this is also because I'm really strong, not only because I'm fat) and not to be too fat (because I see this as a way for me to remain fat/slip backwards). It doesn't make me shallow, and it doesn't make you shallow.You may go through a period of dating as many girls as will say yes, just to see who is now interested in you. Sure, you could argue that's shallow, but it's also testing the waters. The fact that this is bothering you is evidence that you're NOT shallow, and maybe in a few years you'll find a girl who is a little chubby but who you really like and you'll end up with her. Or not. But you can't go wrong if you date girls you LIKE. And if you happen to now be able to get dates with girls who you always liked but didn't have the confidence to ask out, that's just great.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 May 2011):
 Maybe the fact that you now look/feel normal, you feel more attracted to average weight women?
I think the fact that you realize this and feel shallow for thinking so. But, the thing is.. A fit guy can attract a larger variety of women and a overweight guy. So maybe, you aren't trying to settle for just A girl, now you want her to look a certain way too.
Is it shallow? I don't think so. Some men will only date women with big breast, long legs or red hair.. THAT is their preference. Your preference had shifted with your weight loss.
We like what we like. However, YOU might be missing out on some really awesome women if you think weight is the most important factor.
I think it's normal.
I know what I like in a man, physically, mentally, intellectually and personality wise. Why should you be any different?
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman  +, writes (21 May 2011):
Some men like overweight women and some don't. However, I've never met an overweight woman who was happy being overweight. You, on the other hand, instead of simply moaning about being fat, did something about it. You now realize that with a bit of willpower, one's appearance can be changed, so perhaps having done it yourself, you do not respect people who will not make the effort to overcome their unhealthy lifestyle. Some say food is an addiction for them- so, having overcome this in yourself, why hang around with those who will or can not break the cycle? If you were a recovering alcoholic you wouldn't associate with other alcoholics for fear of them encouraging you to drink again- this is the same thing. Reap the rewards of your new figure and find yourself a babe!
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