A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:ok, here's the deal... We started dating 6 months ago (long distance)... Things were on fire , running at 100 mph, we had discussed him moving to my state, he has 2 kids in his state and my son is off to college this fall so we made plans for me to move to be with him, we agreed that it was the more reasonable option to him moving here, we looked at condos, we went to different cities to figure out what suited us best... I continued at the same pace we had been going all along and suddenly I noticed he had stopped talking and saying the things he was saying at the beginning. I did the usual "insecure girl thing", I became needy and asked if we were ok, and told him I needed reassurance. He did give me reassurance, but what he said was "we're fine but you're going to have to back off a little, I can't breathe and I want to know that's it's going to be alright now and in our future for both of us to have our own time." Now that I know how a man perceives what I did, I know it was the wrong thing to do. So, I have stopped initializing conversations, I don't call him or text him first, if he sends a message I reply in a lighthearted joking manner. I have not asked him why he was too busy to call when he said he would. I have made myself busy with my own priorities again... I know that he has tried to set up dates with another woman, I don't know how it went and he doesn't know I am aware of it, he lied to me about being asleep when he was on the phone with her, I just acted like I didn't know anything about it "you must have really needed sleep".... anyway, I don't know if I should make it clear I am waiting for his call or if I should purposely wait to answer? I think we could have a great future and I do understand him wanting to date other women, he was in a controlling 14 yr relationship, and I am the first person he has gotten involved with... and I don't want to be a "needy" person, I know my independence was what attracted him in the first place...I'm just not sure if I can reverse the damage I caused by trying to "morph" into him, by losing myself in our relationship for a while... I'm over that now and want him to see that... I have begun to do the things I like again and am trying not to think about what he might be up to. I am head-over-heals in love with this man and want to be happy. What can I do or not do to allow things to progress?
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female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (24 April 2010):
I think he sold you on a fantasy with all the things he told you. But when you two were acting on making the fantasy a reality, he got scared and backed off.
All you can do at this point is get back to life before you met him. Don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call. If he wants to call you, he will. If he doesn't, then be thankful you didn't move out of state for him.
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