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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi i recently lost my virginity to a good male friend of a 18 mnths we are really close and last week he disappeared and i was so worried, when he turned up we spent the eve together and snuggling in to watch the tv developed further. The problem is he has had this crush on me since we first met, he'd say he loves me, he has been persistent with his attentions sending me sweet little msg's or really going out of his way to help me. I'm not sure if he's grinding me down or i'm just falling for him, or i was just so worried i used him. He is lovely and would be a great b/f but i'm not wild on his apperance and know i feel far less for him than he does for me, so my question is (finally ) should i give him a chance and go out with him (weird out our friendship group) even tho i'm not sure or wait and hope i can figure out/ admit my feelings
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): If you went out with him it would just be out of pity. You are worried about hurting his feelings so you are considering going out with him, but if you really wanted to you would be in his arms long ago not writing this question. Maybe sleeping with him was a mistake but it would be a greater one to start a relatioship with someone you dont love or even fancy. He'll end up getting hurt way more in the long run. Tell it to him striaght (well maybe sugar coat it a little) Tell him you had fun but you're not ready for anything full on. Tell him not to wait for you and that hes a good catch. Hopefully then he'll move on.
A
male
reader, Thomas17  +, writes (15 November 2006):
 Hello,
it dosent mean that when you lose your virginity you HAVE to go out with him you know.. like Lisag said, youve got a long life ahead... well.. the phrase "grinding me down"..
that is my highlighted point.. he might though.. theres always a chance.
however, you did have sex(ahem) and he DID come back and didn totally ignore you..
i think i can safely say go for it..
its your decision though.
best of luck yea?
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A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (15 November 2006):
 If you're worried you used him, maybe you did, just to explore your sexually, quite usual really. You say you feel less for him than he does for you, good relationships I believe are based on equality in all sorts of ways, meaning you should both have similar feelings for one another. You mention him "grinding you down" - this is NOT how you feel about someone when you are falling in love with them, the exact opposite, you feel over the moon ! I think by now you would have fallen for him after 18 mths. I guess you are young ? You have your life ahead of you and will meet many men and figure it all out. Always always trust your doubts and it sounds like you have them !
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): No. That would be a real mistake.
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