A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have been going out to this place on friday nights where I go with my best mate. Its ok, but it means that I drink alot n makeout wit people that do drugs n stuff like that. I also hav to lie to my parents about where im goin. Theyd neva let me go if they knew. I feel bad, but there is nowhere else for me to go. Be4 there, I hadnt even had my first kiss yet! I felt like a complete looser without a social life apart from school and church, and this isnt normal. Youll probably tel me to join clubs, but I hate that sort of thing! Please help me, what do I do? Thanxxxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (11 October 2007):
 To be sociable you do not have to join any special clubs, more importantly you do not have to do anything that makes you unhappy or ashamed of your behaviour.
It is not cool to drink or take drugs just because your friends may say so. The only reason why someone may encourage to do this is so that they drag you down with them, it makes them feel better, they are not thinking about your social life, but how to use you as their entertainment!
How many times have I heard some of my so called friends say years ago:
I hate drinking alone. Try it, go for it! Oh, you are boring!!! It is just for a laugh.
People who think like this are the unfortunate ones, with insecurities issues, who need a "partner in crime" so that they do not feel so bad, they cannot find their own entertainment due to lack of imagination/creativity and need to use superficial additives to disguise the fact that they themselves are not happy naturally.
Being guilty by association is not a good thing either, being judged just because of the company you keep, it is not fair so be selective. Be the person who you want to be, you are in control.
The sad part if that your friends may not even be aware of their behaviour towards you, as it may be the only way they know.
What happened to going to just spending time with friends having a laugh without pressure or bull***t of having to pretend you are the soul of the party all the time.
Try talking to your best mate and express your concerns, you may be able to help each other. After all, if you are not comfortable talking your friend(s) about your choice of social life, what kind of friends are they? It is also your decision who to see/kiss or places to go. Friendship should be unconditional, so think about what is best for yourself in the long run.
There is nothing wrong with having fun, for joy is the best self pleasure in the world you can give yourself, but try not to jump from one extreme to another.
Bottom line, if you are not happy, solution is simple, change your behaviour. Real friends will accept you for who you are. Without drinking, drug or being easy.
Think about your reputation, your behaviour now may affect you in the future.
Take care and good luck
A
male
reader, Collaroy  + ♥, writes (11 October 2007):
 At your age you are in danger of being raped. Someone at some stage in the club will realise that there is a very young vulnerable girl hanging around and will take advantage of that.
We all know what its like being a teenager and how hard it is when you see people going out and enjoying themselves ( especially if you are from a religious family ). But going down this road is perilous, you could end up pregnant or get alcohol poisioning. This is damaging your self confidence and it will only be a matter of time that someone at your school cottens on and they will spread rumours about you.
You need to make the effort to find a social activity that is not destructive as at some stage this world will come crashing down on you.
Good luck.
Asexy, its very common in England for young girls to get into clubs , especially rave clubs ( which this sounds like ) .
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A
male
reader, Asexy  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Try ordering a "cranberry & soda" -- especially if you like Cranberry Juice. Or any juice & soda, actually. It LOOKS like an alcoholic drink but it isn't. This should get you off the hook for fitting in. It will also leave you clear enough to make better decisions.
So where are you going that they'll serve a 13-15 year old? (Or is that a UK thing? Here you'd have to be 21.)
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (10 October 2007):
 No, no, no ... you don't have to join clubs. You have to decide right now, while you are all by yourself and sober, what is acceptable behavior for you. After you know that, then you need to practice it ... sober.
Don't drink a lot because there is just no good reason to do that. Good lord! I just glanced at your age ... you're just a puppy. If you think that you have to have a drink to have a good time, then my words of wisdom will fall on deaf ears anyway. BUT! At least cut your consumption in half by having an 8 ounce glass of water between each drink. You'll be too full to drink as much, you'll flush out the alcohol and you'll replace the water you're losing.
Lying is not good for you. It gets to be hard to keep track of your stories and it makes you feel bad about yourself. You want to trust your folks but you give them no reason to trust you. Building character is challenging, but it's not rocket science. Treat people how you want to be treated. Do you want to be lied to? Okay, Missy ... get a move-on ... who do you want to be? Today is the first day of the rest of your life! Do well and be well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Go out and do what you enjoy, just dont drink or drink very little.
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