A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 47 just divorced. We've been married for 22 years. The last four year we only see each other at weekends. I was very unhappy and finally decided to end it. Then I met this man 18 years older than me. He's single without children. We get on well. We've been together for 9 months now. I suddenly realise I enjoy seeing him only at weekends but the rest of the time I rather be on my own. I dont think he will be happy to know that. Please advise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): well it probably reminds you of how it was with you ex husband, that might be why. If you'd rather see him at the weekends, then it's your choice, just let him know where he stands with you. Take it slower if you need, I'm sure he won't mind. Take it at a day at a time, try him coming round on a day that you're not busy on a weekday, explain to him about how you're feeling, then have a go. If you become uncomfortable at all during that day, then tell him gently, you don't feel comfortable, and you'd like to leave it, and maybe try again some other time. But if you really don't like it, then explain to him, you're really not ready to do it, then stick with weekends and I'm sure he'll understand. I hope this helps. Thank you. Any more concerns, then write me a message privately. Thanks. Good luck!
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 If he is 18 years older, he probably has his own life and has his own routines as well. Has he been telling you that he wants more than seeing you on the weekends? Or is it an idea that someone else has put into your head? Are you comparing it only to "married-life-with-children"? I don't think there is anything wrong with seeing someone only on the weekends if that is what you both want. Talk to him about it. There is no "normal" amount of time that couples have to spend together in order for a relationship to work. Along the same line, I know couples who travel and never call their spouse, and I know people who call their spouse 5 times a day. It all depends on what the two of you decide is right for YOUR relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Follow your instincts - if you only want to see him at weekends then so be it.
If he can't cope with that then I'm sure he'll say so, but it's best to lay your cards on the table and let him know where he stands. If I were him I would want to know.
The big question is what to do if he's unhappy with that arrangement? Maybe he'd be quite happy with it, but you're not going to know unless you put it to him. Communication is the key.
Phil
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