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I lied about what a looked like and now he is mad! how can I get him back?

Tagged as: Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 September 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 28 September 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, *hanel01245 writes:

Hello everyone one thank you for taking the time to read my question first i want to give you some info...So i met this guy like a week an half ago on the internet an we been talking ever since..We have a lot of chemistry talk every single day for hours..He tells me his soo in love with me like his never been iin love before an that he wants to marry me..anyways to cut the story short ..He met me thru this fake account that i made up with this pretty girls pic an he thinks im her but bcuz his such a great guy n i ended up falling for him i told him the truth yesterday an showed him a real pic of me...He said how could i do this to him when he opened his heart to me an he told me how he hates lies an how he got his heart broken before an to please not hurt ..i feel horrible..i really feel like i fell in love with him...but now i dont know wat to do..wat can i say to make him forgive me an give me another chance. Please someone help ..i need all the advice i can get.

View related questions: fell in love, the internet

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (28 September 2010):

Artistry agony aunt...Hi again, Well good for you to have a second chance since you feel you like this person. Take your time and don't give too much too fast. Take this slower than you might want to. Bonding takes time, relationships need time to build trust. Good luck with all of it. Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010):

Well it depends whether he wants tokeep in touch with you. Could you explain to him your reason for putting a different photo, and then your reason for then telling him the truth?

It's understandable that he would be wary of anyone who told a lie, because that means you could be lying about other things. So you need to give him some sort of assurance, and be honest.

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A female reader, Chanel01245 United States +, writes (21 September 2010):

Chanel01245 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Guys thank u so very much for ur answers and adviced..Im so happy right now bcuz i saw a missed called from him and went online and as soon as i logged in he came to talk to me n said i missed u soo much.. I cant stop thinkin about u i just need to to understand my point of view just put urself in my shoes..He told me he loves me n to plss never to lie to him again about anything..I cant believe it!! Im soo happy..no words to describe it..I know it will take some time for him to start fully trusting me again but i promised never to lie to him again or anyone ..I learned my lesson very well. Thank yall for ur help n ill try to keep u guys posted..:-)

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A female reader, Chanel01245 United States +, writes (21 September 2010):

Chanel01245 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Guys thank u so very much for ur answers and adviced..Im so happy right now bcuz i saw a missed called from him and went online and as soon as i logged in he came to talk to me n said i missed u soo much.. I cant stop thinkin about u i just need to to understand my point of view just put urself in my shoes..He told me he loves me n to plss never to lie to him again about anything..I cant believe it!! Im soo happy..no words to describe it..I know it will take some time for him to start fully trusting me again but i promised never to lie to him again or anyone ..I learned my lesson very well. Thank yall for ur help n ill try to keep u guys posted..:-)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010):

Honey, if he's going to judge you on a picture, then he's probably not worth keeping. I can understand that he is feeling somewhat betrayed, as you waited until a bond had formed and he had probably shown your fake self off to his friends and family, but that is no reason to react the way he did.

The best thing you can do is give him some space. If he was truly sincere about his earlier feelings for you, then he should be able to realise that your personality and the things he should have fallen in love with you for haven't changed. You're still the same girl, just with a different face.

Let him come to terms with the change in his own time. Don't message him or call him, wait for him to get in touch with you. However, don't make him the center of your life, you have only known him a few days after all. Find yourself a hobby or sport, perhaps an online game or salsa dancing, that can take your mind off of this man.

I hope everything works out for you in the end. :)

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (21 September 2010):

CindyCares agony auntDon't do anything. You met him through Internet 10 days ago... and he says he loves you and wants to marry you ??? Chances are he is a biggger liar than you- he lies about his feelings and intentions, while you only lied about looks.

Either that, or, if he's in good faith, he is just weird.

So leave him alone, and next time start with the right foot, showing the real you from the beginning.

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A female reader, LLindy87 United States +, writes (21 September 2010):

LLindy87 agony auntlesson learned: don't pretend to be someone you're not.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010):

I know a week may feel like a month online but there's no way one can be inlove in one week. Inlust or infatuated but not inlove.

The fact that he would say he loves you makes him creepy and you feeling the same, makes you a bit immature for a women in her early 20's.

You're better off. The guy is over reacting. Did he give you a chance to show him what you really like? Because if he's "inlove" with you as he says he is, he'll at least want to see the personality of the person who made him have such strong feelings.

The lesson here, don't lie about the facts of who you are (age, race, weight etc). I at least give you credit for coming clean so early on.

From the "other anon"

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A male reader, Viajante Brazil +, writes (21 September 2010):

Hi there,

I'll be blunt: A week and a half? That is a little bit of an exaggerated reaction in my opinion. I mean, I have no idea what made open a fake profile, but I wouldn't say you lied. Once you started liking the guy you came clean. Now if you aren't as good looking as the pictures from the fake profile, than I would think that is the real reason. I've been involved with gorgeous women and not-so-cute women. But I always knew how they looked when I was dating them, so it was ok. My point is that the deception is less important than the disapointment. Look past his outrage at the "lies", everybody lies.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (21 September 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntWhy would you make a fake account to begin with?? Seriously, that just seems really confusing to me. Are you really age 22-25... Thinking you've fallen in love after a week and a half of chatting on the internet is kinda normal... but more when you're like 14-15.

Regardless of how bizarre that seems... being completely honest, I really can't see him forgiving you for this. He may be more upset about the lie and the fact that he got to the point where he wanted to marry you and yet you still kept up such a large lie... how could he trust that you weren't playing a character all along and lying about lots of other things??

Or he could just be really shallow and have liked the look of the really pretty girls photo that you used versus what you actually look like. He'd feel pretty foolish after all the hours he may have looked at that every bit of that photo... only to find out that it wasn't you.

I wouldn't have high hopes for winning him back, but by all means try if you like... but I think that deleting this account and adding him to your real account would be your best move.

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (21 September 2010):

Artistry agony aunt...Hi there, You say you met him a week ago, that is really too short a period of time to know if you really care about someone. It is probably more of an infatuation with him than anything else. He feels you were dishonest with him and his trust in you is shattered. So getting him back will be up to him. I would let it go, count it as an experience, always tell people what you really look like.

People if they like you they like you. The same thing will happen if you pretend you are someone else. How will you ever have an honest relationship if you pretend to be someone you are not? Start on the right foot. Forget about about this one. He may surprise you and try again, but I would move on. The ball is in his court. Keep moving, if he is interested he will find you. Take care.

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