A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have had an affair which lasted a total of 3 months we had sex 4 times . I left my wife before any sex took place but its the same i know ! we have two young children who i love they are everything to me i felt i had no choice but to leave and this other woman gave me the emotional support i needed at the time , it was never about sex just lack of closeness for me i tried constantly to make her see this too. i am still seperated from my wife see my kids as often as she will allow and i must stress i will do anything to see them , there are money issues also lack of it as my business is suffering in the current economic climate . I suppose my question is know my wife has sat up and listened now and wants to try again but i feel like knowmatter if we can sort the problems my all be it brief and very wrong affair would be a sea between us , to tell her would serve no purpose other than to alleviate my considerable guilt and just make everyones life hell and i feel its less selfish to carry this to the grave . Or should i move on and hope i can find someone new who i wouldnt feel guilty around as i feel like what i am a cheat!I always considered myself a good father and husband but have learned that somethings just arent black and white and people make mistakes, even you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): maybe your wife is better of without a "cheating hb". why not allow her to meet the man of her dreams and let her to find real love. i think you owe her that much, don't you. you have had it all on the plate so far, lied, left your marriage to f*ck around, wow, you did not get caught, now you want o perhaps go back to the faithful wife who thinks it is her fault this marriage has crumbled. if you really want to change then you need to tell her that you had the affair and that was the reason you left her in the first place. you blame your wife, i wonder why? she now thinks it was her fault yet all along you have been f*cking around. man, you ha it so good. you did not make a mistake, you continue to do so. yes, things are not black and white but with you there is so much of gray areas. do you even kbow what is truth? do you even admit to messing up your home and your marriage. NO. you just want, want , want. well, you got it. move on and release your wife. she doesn't deserve a snake like you. you have not learnt anything in life. this is so sad. you could have admitted your adultery and worked on your marriage, yet you want to continue to lie and make excuses for your behaviour. you say you are a good hb and father, well , put these words into action. release your wife. let her move on to find that decent loyal man., yes, she has been good to you thus far, allowing you to see your kids. well when she moves on with another man, she will atill alow you to take the kids. after all she will be setting satisfying sex from a real man who will love her unconditionally and who will not blame her. i think she deserves this, don't you. another man will llove your kids, so don't worry about them. your wife has a good head on her shoulders, she will survive. don't fool yourself into thinking that you are her own ineterst. she is resilient, she is strong, she has survived your affair(s). don't worry she is young and there are good men out there.
so strange, your f*ck buddy only lasted 4 months. who ended it. i am certaij it was not you. you see your mistress also needed a real man, and evidently you just didn't cut it. i wish your wife also wakes up and decides to have nothing more to do with you. her life is so precious, why waste it with the likes of you. maybe you akso know this. she survived. she has been decent to you. i think all these qualities would not go unnoticed by another man. so please release your wife. go find another affair, if you can. it will only last , what 3 months. your yound available wife will be a catch for any man. i think she knows it too. yes, please move on. what guilt do you have exactly? you have been a selfish sod to your wife thus far, you do not deserve her, and you know it. stop making excuses for your affair. nobody forced you, you knowingly betrayed your wife. so what guilt are you talking about? for someone to have gulit and remorse, you need a conscious. do you? i think not. you have lied previously ot your wife and you are contemplating doing the same again. in life it is all about our choices. you made yours. surely she deserves better than you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): If you have personally learnt your love is for your wife through having this affair then perhaps don't say anything. However I do question whether you will have got a 'taste' for the excitement of an affair (you will have got away with it so to speak) and even if you went back to your wife, the slightest problem or low spell will set you back on the trail of another woman for comfort etc. I get the impression you are now free of the affair but still on your own? If so you have some space and time to consider this point but to go back to your wife means you have to set yourself clear rules and also put the effort in big time - both of you. As you had left your wife I think it would not be wise to say however a word of warning - these things have a horrible way of coming out later despite your best efforts. What would happen then?
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A
female
reader, Amsieee(: +, writes (29 June 2009):
 i understand what you mean and why you sought to have an affair but you have to understand we cannot always use the excuse we all make mistakes.
you should only ever go back to your wife if you love her because marriage is about that and love will keep you together, not if it will make your situation any easier.
i know you made a mistake and i understand why, but times are hard at the moment because you have made that mistake, now you have to face the concequence, i dont doubt the fact that you love your children, most fathers do but think of what is right for them, can you remain with your wife without commiting adultry again and without hurting her?
i suggest if you want to return to your wife you go to marriage counselling and try to fix your marriage together to find the closeness you seek because i personally think that emotional closeness your craving isn't in an affair.
i hope this helps.
Amsieeee x
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