| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi. I am a guy who made a real dumb ass mistake. I left my beautiful girlfriend about 6 weeks ago. We had an argument about my being inattentive towards her. And she was right. I was taking her for granted. I was not treating her right and got angry at her for always being around. We were confined together in our small house during the pandemic and I was just going stir crazy. I felt bored. I don't think it was her specifically but I felt bored of her too and lay all the blame on her. The routine was mundane. Waking up with her every morning, I kind of started to hate it. Eating meals with her, same thing. She was around too much and I feel like there was no mystery or fireworks anymore. It really wasn't her fault. It was Covid's fault but I blamed her for not having any space and feeling confined. I blamed her for not being exciting enough but how could she be? She was stuck inside in the same situation as I was. It was unfair. Obviously there is not much space when two people share a small home and are in lockdown. Our only time getting out was going shopping. Pre Covid we used to be very active with activities and I was still attracted to her when I left, but I just couldn't take feeling suffocated that way. Always the same conversations, and bickering. I was resentful towards her and I could tell I was bringing her down. She felt inadequate because I wasn't happy and blaming her. It was driving me around the bend, and so I bolted. I just up and left her. I wish I had ridden out the storm and stuck it out with her. She was not giving up on me. I can't believe I did that to her. Things would have gotten better. I just wasn't thinking!Looking back now, I wish she was still here. I miss sleeping with her, having meals together, seeing her smile, touching her body, I miss her laugh. Weeks later, all the bad has faded and I remember all the good things about her, and I miss those qualities. She is one of a kind and very passionate in the bedroom. I have been with a lot of women and there is nobody like her. I am not sure if I was temporarily insane when I left a woman like that! But at the time I hated her and I wanted to get away from her! I really thought at the time I was making the right decision. But now I am having second thoughts. I think I was what they call a Covidiot!After past disagreements, it would always be her contacting me, initiating communication and fixing things. But this time she has not come looking for me. I was expecting her to contact me by now because that is what she has always done in the past. But not a word. I did ask her to leave me alone. But I have said that in the past after disagreements and she continued to chase me down until we talked and fixed things. Why has she been so quiet this time? It is not like her to go silent and completely ignore me. She really loved me and always fought for me. She even begged and pleaded with me when I left her. She was crying incessantly and was in so much pain. I do feel guilty for what I did. Seeing her that way and I was the cause. And I am afraid to reach out to her. But I want to make it right. It has been almost 2 months. I don't know what she is feeling now. I wonder if I am risking rejection? I don't want to contact her and have her get upset with me as maybe she was trying to get over me. But I want her back in my life. I want to tell her I am sorry I hurt her and that I made a mistake. I got together with another girl. I guess to ease the pain. It is just sex. I don't have feelings for this woman. And what I have learned is the grass is not greener. This woman is not my ex girlfriend. I keep thinking about my ex when I am with this other girl. She seemed more appealing at the beginning but over time she is not as appealing as the start. But has been a fun distraction.What would you advise me to do in my situation?Do you think I still have a chance with my ex girlfriend? I want to reach out to her. Is that a good idea?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone..."__"Big Yellow Taxi-Joni Mitchell"...Remix-Janet Jackson
You're trying to give yourself an out by blaming covid. If there's one upside to this epidemic, it's how it brought couples, families, and friends closer; to evaluate what we have together. It is a test of love and cohesion. It allowed some to learn how it felt to be separated from people you really and truly cared for, but took for granted. They could be only a few steps away; but separated by glass, a door, or in a hospital room all alone! Nobody around them but doctors and nurses! Missing our hugs and kisses, hearing our voices, and feeling our touch! Looking into our eyes and faces in real-time!
Being a Christian, I had to pray on this to understand why God allowed all this to happen to us. Knowing in my heart from reading scripture already; but I had to hear it from that still quiet voice known as the Holy Spirit. Our nation and other nations around the world take a lot for granted. Freedom and prosperity. We needed something to remind us what is a blessing and the grace of God; while we greedily take and take, and we feel so entitled that we think we deserve even more! Poorer countries envy what we have...maybe not so much now, when you see what we're becoming. Politics is now a religion! It has brought-out the worst in us, and covid isn't responsible for all this!
It's our oversized senses of entitlement!!!
What we have and receive, isn't enough; and what we don't have we covet from others! We want more, more, more! We envy others who have more, we shun those who have less; and we raise a fist at God when He won't give us what we demand from Him! We even deny His existence! He has the first and last word! He gave us vaccines in record-time! He worked through science to give us relief. There are still those who think they know more than He (God) does; and they selfishly refuse to protect others by refusing to wear face-cover. Acting nasty, defiant, bullying, and being vile towards other people! As if they're better; and nothing matters, but what pleases them! Well, sometimes God gives, and sometimes He takes away!
He (God) has the power to prolong this pandemic, make the vaccines ineffective, mutate the virus; and show the world who's Boss! Yet He's merciful, His love is boundless, and He loves mankind to a fault. He is our Father; and fathers have to discipline their children, with love, from time to time. He also has a temper; and being God...and owning everything He has created; He has the power, omnipotence, and sovereignty to do whatever He pleases! Even take-away the people who love us, that we've mistreated; and didn't reciprocate all that we've taken from them!
You were blessed, but you had to learn a lesson. You didn't cherish someone who was given to you, that you didn't deserve. Blessings we receive are really the grace of God, in spite of nothing we've done to earn or deserve it. He rewards righteousness, honor, kindness, and compassion. He splurges on His beloved-children; and He sends us people to love. Good or bad, His precious rain of blessings fall on both! He gives us loving families, devoted boyfriends and girlfriends; and He connects us with devoted wives or husbands, that love us dearly. Until only through death are we separated!
People of this world are too busy hating and complaining; because they had to give something up. They couldn't run around showing-off on the internet, spend and waste money on stupid material-things, and look down their noses at those who are homeless or poor. Until we have to do without something; we don't know what we've lost. Mean old husbands and boyfriends flirt with women behind the backs of women who adore them; and make them the center of their universe. You should never endear another human being that much, it's idolatry; but you can love deeply! You can show that love by earning trust, being kind and generous; and through showing your appreciation for the tiniest things they say and do for us. Nobody who loves you should yearn and beg for your affections! If they go out of their way to fix things, that too is God's blessing! He's giving us another chance; before He decides to change things.
Love, affection, and loyalty are the greatest gifts you can give-back to a man or woman (or child) who gives you their trust, their hearts, and devotion. Instead, people tread on their hearts, they cheat, say horrid things in anger; and withhold their forgiveness and kindness, while holding these people emotional-hostages by their relentless and unconditional-love.
Eventually, there has to be divine-intervention. God looks down, and decides; He has to change things. He has to remove that unappreciative, abusive, selfish-person from the life of someone who did their best to love and cherish them. He then changes their destiny towards finding someone else; who will prove more worthy. You might try getting her back; but God might have changed her heart to realize that this is the last time. You must be removed, and she must move on. What doors God closes, no man can open! What doors He opens, no-one can close! Not even Satan and his minion!
She has not contacted you in two months. She has begun her process of detachment and healing. You have no right to disturb her healing-process; because you're selfishly concerned about your own feelings and needs. You write all that lovely stuff only now; after the good Lord has saved her from the heartbreak and pain. Now you're regretful?
What makes it even worse, is that you're blaming covid! Own it, brother! You're the one who broke her heart! Now your heart is broken. You reap what you sow!
Leave her alone. You had your chance. The horrible side of covid is all those who lost their lives to the pandemic. All those still suffering. People are now in grief, yet the selfish people feel no compassion; and feel no need to show personal-responsibility for those who remain uninoculated, having compromised immune-systems (and may not even know it), and carelessly taking even God's mercy for granted. You don't getaway with that!
You still have your memories to keep. She deserves to get-on with her life. Hopefully she isn't emotionally damaged by this. So many good-women become embittered, broken, and discouraged. Men take no responsibility, and think with their penises! They/we feel superior; because of our physical-strength, and the ability to suppress our emotions. Rampant promiscuity and toxic-masculinity has become another pandemic that has infected our manhood! When you get a good-woman, or you have a good wife; that is God's reward and blessing. When you decide you deserve what you have, you get puffed-up with arrogance, and yield to cruelty and self-indulgence, watch porn, and heartlessly lust after other women. God will eventually intervene; and He will snatch that woman away! He will place her in the heart and arms of a man more deserving. Someone who knows when he has been blessed! A better man; who will cherish her love, honor her as his woman, and value her trust.
You'll get another chance; but not with the one who has given you pardon after pardon! Until she is so frustrated, that she finally gave-up! Nope, it's too late! God is changing her heart, and has rewritten her destiny. Maybe she is meant for someone else; and she was only meant as a blessing that was only passing through your life. At least you got a taste of what a good-woman is. A good-woman is everything you've described in the one you had.
I don't wish you any misfortune, or unhappiness. Only God knows if she'll take you back. Go ask Him in sincere prayer. Don't promise Him anything you won't keep, He knows ahead of time! I have no right to answer for Him. I won't blaspheme in my arrogance! I will pray you'll find that love again. It's now up to the good Lord who she'll be. The one you had...or somebody else! I think it's probably time for you to move on. You'll heal and get-over her. Meanwhile, you must suffer and grieve. That is what she is owed for her heartbreak and pain.
God bless the both of you. May He forgive you, and restore you with love and happiness; even if it isn't with each-other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): I hope you don't go anywhere near her. You've done her enough harm. And with your narcissistic attitude, that's not going to change anytime soon.
You only want to make things right with her because you want her back, not because you regret your behaviour.
You reap what you sow. Remember that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): And this story, YOUR story, OP is the perfect example of why all narcissists end up dying alone.
Every shiny new toy they pick up and play with for a little while until they are devalued and discarded for the next new toy will never be GOOD enough.
You see, OP, if you went and got the proper therapy you would stop leaving a trail of broken women behind you as you move on happily through life without a single care about who you destroyed or used along the way to greener grass.
The truth is you loathe yourself. You feel inferior. You have this cloak of superiority you hide behind and eventually discard everyone because you hate yourself and you are not good enough. You need to discard them before or at the very moment they see who you really are, before they see the person you see: A FAILURE. The only way you can feel even half worthy or self confident is to build your ego on the pain of others. You feign superiority and continually force feed yourself with delusions of grandeur, thinking you are special because you have reduced these women to nothing. They loved you that much and so you must be special. These poor women who actually LOVED you that much are outside fixes for your internal problems. It does not matter how many women you go through, your internal issues REMAIN. You can run but not hide from your true nature. You encouraged them to love you. You gave them attention. You led them along. Then slit their throats. No wonder they are distraught and then you GET OFF ON IT!!! You orchestrated it ALL!! To feel superior! That is inexcusable and you have got to be a monster to do this to any human. Love is not a game. People are not replaceable or disposable.
You need help or you will keep hurting people and continue living a lonely existence. It really can't make a person happy playing with new toys all the time and getting tired of them and throwing every one of them away because there is something wrong with YOU! Happiness is fleeting in those cases. What an awful way to live, having a shitty life being propped up by illusions and flimsy fantasies. Wouldn't it be better to confront your deficiencies and build happiness consistently, from within and with only one person? It's got to be exhausting juggling so many balls at once! And I am sure the highs and lows of such an addiction have got to wear you down!
You have attachment issues, OP. You are avoidant when it comes to attachment. I suspect your mother was a non emotional avoidant type herself who was more concerned with her activities/life than you. Was she too busy for you when you were a kid? Did you feel invisible as a child? It looks like she did not bond with you as a child. And you have been repeating old childhood wounds. If she bonded with you, you would not be spending the rest of your life trying to secure female adoration to make up for the lack of affection from your mother. It seems you were lacking in that area. Your self sufficient mother did you a great disservice. You may need to be alone permanently. And stop telling women lies and leading them on to get them to fuck for your own amusement and ego boost until you grow bored. You are a bad human being. People are not objects to be used and then discarded.
Confident men lift women up. They respect them and are kind. They are confident in themselves without needing the approval of anyone, especially women. Confident men do not use, prey on and wear down and sexually and emotionally exploit women who are most often vulnerable to get a thrill and ego boost from doing so. Let me guess. You told her I LOVE YOU. How you had a future together. You told her all the bullshit words she BELIEVED right? Because that is what women are supposed to do. Trust the men they are with? BELIEVE THEM? But it ends up they are LIARS and FAKERS and MANIPULATORS? Men like you are poison. And in some sick way, you are PROUD OF IT! Men like you need to get into therapy ASAP!!! They USE PEOPLE and then DISPOSE OF THEM! I wish for you OP to feel the PAIN you put others through. That is what your poetic justice would be. But people like you have no feelings. No heart. No conscience. That is why they call you narcissists. GET HELP!!! Happiness comes from within, not from using others. As long as you are broken inside and continue being broken you will keep repeating this pattern with any woman who comes across your path!!! And I feel SORRY for these women!!! They are doing nothing wrong by loving a LIAR, A MANIPULATOR and a COWARD!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 March 2021):
 Amen to ALL that Code Warrior said.
YOU need to take responsibility for YOUR choices, words, and actions.
"Covid made me do it!" is a bullshite excuse.
Grow up, stop being a selfish disk.
You write about the woman you USED after the break up with so little respect or care.
"But has been a fun distraction."
Gross!
I hope your ex is smart enough to realize that breaking up with you was the best that could happen.
sorry, you sound like an awful person.
I think you need to work on yourself before trying to date ANYONE.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (7 March 2021):
 It sounds to me like you made a huge mistake and threw away something beautiful. You have come to the realisation that the grass is never greener on the other side.
She obviously really like you a lot,which is why she was the one doing all the leg work to try to get the relationship on track when things went wrong.
There is only so much one person can tolerate, and i think you hurt her so bad,then told her not to contact you again. The reason you have not heard from her is because she has accepted its over and has got over you, or is in the process of getting over you.
I would only contact her if your 100% sure you want it to work. If you feel like you would get bored again then refrain from getting in touch with her because she deserves better than to be hurt again.
If she rejects you then accept defeat and walk away knowing you tried, but i would only try to contact her once and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): I’m sorry OP but you need to leave this woman alone and move on. You DO NOT deserve her. You only want her now because you have realised what you have lost. She’s not begging and pleading this time and the reality that she might not has hit you like a truck. You have implied that she begs and pleads for you back every time you argue. But I bet you don’t care about her the previous times. Because you know she will come crawling back. Now she isn’t you ‘all of sudden’ miss her and think she’s amazing. YOU should of realised that all along NOT when you can’t have her. You left her to get your kinks from other women. You got bored and as you have admitted ‘the grass isn’t greener’ - it never is sweetheart!! You jumped straight into sleeping with another woman and then claim you care about her and want her back. COVID is hard on relationships for everyone at the minute and I understand feeling that you don’t have any space. But people who love each other communicate and talk about their problems. Not leave every time they don’t get their own way and expect the other person to beg for them back. She is probably amazing yes, but unfortunately you made a decision whether rightly or wrongly and now YOU have to live with your decision. That’s life unfortunately. She deserves better.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (7 March 2021):
 OP it sounds like you had a sweet girl and you freaked out on her. You may have pushed her too far this time. Its hard to say. All you can do is try. Why don't you tell her all of the things that you have said to her in this post? Bare your heart open to her. Then let her decide. Yes, she might reject you. People can only take so much and sometimes they just reach the point of no return when someone hurts them.
My now husband did something very similar to what you did. I have given up my life/world to move hundreds of miles away to be with him. I knew he was under alot of pressure (doctor) and I tried to do everything I could to make things easy for him at home. I was also working a full time job. One night he came home, heard me talking on the phone and just snapped. He told me that he just needed to "be alone" and decide what he wanted in life. He is from Japan so at that time he was always worried about being asked to go back to Japan since his green card had not went through yet.
I had felt something was wrong with him for awhile but he never said anything even though I kept asking him if everything was ok. This is a man I had dated for 7 years. My heart was absolutely crushed beyond belief. I just sat there with tears running down my face while he basically asked me "to please leave". I was devastated beyond belief. I wasted no time and in a week's time I left him and went back to my state. I don't think he expected me to leave so quickly because he kept backtracking and saying he loves me, things would still be the same and I didn't have to leave so fast.
My heart was broken into a thousand tiny pieces and I just wanted to leave. Cut to the ending...he realized after several months of me not contacting him that he had made a huge mistake and he asked for another chance. I was VERY hesitant but I forgave him. I warned him that he had better NEVER pull something like that again because it would be GOODBYE FOREVER. I will not let someone repeatedly stomp all over my heart! I don't care how much I love them.
I wish you luck. Keep in mind that your girlfriend doesn't deserve to be thrown about like a rag doll. You either love her and want her, or you don't. No wishy washy crap!
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