A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I left my fiance in 2006 for a guy who I thought was great. At first everything was great, then came the excessive drinking and drug use. I wasn't one to do drugs, but I did end up doing them with this guy. After 3 mos together I caught him cheating and we broke up, but like an idiot I took him back. Still doing drugs together we got a place and moved in, he was working for some bad people that he owed money to and was able to get his hands on weapons (held on to them for these people) I woke up numerous times with a loaded gun to my head, he thought it was funny. We ended up moving across country together (stupid me) and drugs got worse and abuse got worse, he punched me, spit on me, smothered me with pillows when I cried, choked me, threw hot food on me, threw drinks on me and even raped me. I finally was able to get clean of the drugs and leave him and start fresh (still in new city) Just over a month after I had left him, I started seeing someone, but got a call from the hospital saying my ex was in there (I was his emergency contact) I went to hospital to find my ex on life support, he overdosed. He had to be taken off and died Sept 08'. I am confused how to feel about this, still? At first I was very upset, I kind of made a saint out of him, but I remember everything he has done to me and I feel hate and anger and almost feel I am better off that he can't try and get in my life anymore. Is this terrible of me to feel like this? I feel guilty for feeling so much anger. I know his friends back in the town we originally lived in, don't like me because of how I feel (I haven't said anything to them, but have stopped all contact with anyone having to do with him, so they gathered it on their own) They don't know what I went through and everything haunts me still to this day. How do I get over this?
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 He payed the ultimate price and it was his own malevolent existence that took his life from him. You were there to love him and in rejecting that purity you had in you and trying to mutilate it, he also rejected his own divine right to live. Karma. But in death, we find life and in life we find love and it was that love which kept you pure. Let it keep you pure now and may you find peace in it. Know that it was he that made you stronger, what he put you through tested your purity, do not let it stain your good heart. So yes, find pity for him and accept that he has met his fate. Do not seek more than that. Enjoy life with someone new. It is over now. Let your guilt fade away, you cannot help feeling what you feel, but you can accept it and move on.
I hope that helps.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 Just because he is now dead doesn't mean he wasn't a bastard when he was alive. You cannot blame yourself for him being dead, and you cannot forgive him what he did to you. You are totally right to be angry with him, and it is natural to feel some relief that he is now never ever going to upset or hurt you again. But also, naturally, you feel guilty at appreciating the ultimate release of him being dead, because you do respect life, and his life as it was, and you don't want to disrespect someone who can now never answer you back.
These are all natural feelings, and I am sure that in time your anger will dissolve and you will feel probably only some sadness. Look, he is gone: nothing can change that. Whatever he did, he has pretty much had the biggest punishment anyone can for it: he has lost his life. So try to work on feeling a little pity, and that will cool down the anger. In time, you'll realise there's no point feeling angry with someone who is dead, as someone higher has already dealt with them.
You need counselling for the bad things he did to you, and you need to forgive him, and yourself. Either counselling, or a relationship with a great guy.
Don't worry, though - you honestly will get over it, and probably sooner than you think.
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 You need profesional help.seek councelling.goodluck
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