A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i av been on and off for four years with my ex boyfriend. he cheated on me and was foreva on dating sites. this time he has met someone off a dating site and simply moved on. he treated me terrible,but now he has someone i feel angry. i know i wont eva go back with him but i need to stop letting it take over my everyday thoughts. how do i stop thinking and just meet someone who will treat me nice instead of waiting to see him mess up? why do i feel like this? i know i wont go back anyway.
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cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (24 November 2011):
You gotta let this self destructing feeling go. The best way to get back at him,is to let him see your life is much better without him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): I can relate to what has happened. If you have no ties,you are lucky that you can now cut him off for good. My story lasted a lot longer than yours and started the same way it ended. What have you lost? Someone who cheated,was joining dating sites,who generally didnt give a shit. You may find out more things that everyone knew but you. If so,dont let the person drag you down more. You need to find someone who treats you better,who puts your feelings equal to their own. Only then will you feel released. The ex man wont even be aware of what he did. He`s not got the capacity to think like normal people do. When you meet a real caring person,remember,it wont be the same. Your memory wont hate,it wont love,it will be indifferent.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): I have been through very similar. Celebrate the fact he is gone for good. Dont waste anymore thoughts on someone who is probably narcissistic. That type can get over an ex and fall in love again in the same week.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): I'm currently getting out of a relationship with a narcissistic boyfriend and from everything I've read and everything I've gone through with him, I don't believe that narcissists can ever find the empathy in themselves to have true sorrow for hurting someone. The thing about narcissists is that they believe they're right. Even if they do something to totally wreck another person's emotions, it isn't their own fault. They will say you're the cause of them acting the way they did towards you. And no matter how hard you try to dig into their hearts to make them understand your pain and know your suffering, they won't let it get to them because you aren't the one to pity- they are, since you betrayed them by not trusting them. What I noticed about my ex was that he was that I would question my own sanity and my own recollection of the things I lived through. Narcissists go beyond lying. I believe they tell their lie and somehow weave their lie into their memory so they literally believe that what they said is the honest truth. And that's what allows them to go into character of being the victim and the all-knowing, innocent one. This statement makes your question very difficult to answer, simply because they can make themselves so upset and furious and frustrated that their lies appear totally genuine. And in doing this, they blame you for accusing them of lying. Then you feel bad because they are a crying mess and you apologize for being so terrible and exlplain that what you assumed happened made you so upset to the point that you jumped to conclusions and you never should have done it and are such a bad person. And only once they have the satisfaction of hearing that you are below them and admitting it will they apologize. NOT a normal apology though- a "I'm sorry you thought I did something wrong" apology. Or a "I'm sorry you didn't believe me". Maybe they'll feel some sort of guilt for hurting you and then making you admit you're wrong, but they will never be sorry for the actions they did. 1: because they're always right, always the better person, and 2: because they got what they wanted to hear all along- you were stupid for not trusting them and you regret it.
I know this was incredibly long, but I lived through my very first relationship- on and off for a full year- with a boyfriend who did this to me every single day. It killed me. I just recently caught him cheating- something I had heard from everyone but chose never to believe because I didn't want to upset him with the drama of me not trusting him again. But I saw the texts and the phone calls and saw first hand what he did. In SHOWING him these texts, he still denies ever doing it, saying someone took his phone or that the girl made them up herself and was stalking him. Trust me- if you're asking this question because you want a narcissist to finally be sorry for something they did, it won't happen. Be the bigger person and let them go because nothing good can come from a person that lives a lie. Small advice coming from a 19 year old, but the deeper you get, the harder it is to come to the surface, so stop yourself from longing for an apology and regret and the person is not mentally capable of having. Once you move on and your attachment to them weakens, you'll see what they did to you and realize you don't care if they were sorry or not because you saved yourself from emotional pain. Once they know they have lost you for good,they simply "fall in love" with the next just as quick as they got over you. You will then be the ex who was abusive and wouldnt trust.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 November 2011):
 It's simple really he hurt you by the way that he treated you and now you see that he is with someone else probably all loved up and happy it makes you angry and you just want to see him hurt as much as you have been in the past. It probably makes you realise that deep down he never loved you or cared about you the way that you did for him and off course this is going to make you angry. Instead of wanting to see him suffer as well though, you need to concentrate on yourself and your own life. Any contact details you have of him, including over the internet well then delete and block them. Next step is to just give yourself time and show yourself that you have had a lucky escape and that he cannot hurt you any more. Allow your friends to support you and go out with them and enjoy your new independent life. Soon you will feel better and ready to move on.
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