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I know I am fat, but why cant I get a boyfriend?

Tagged as: Dating, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 August 2007) 11 Answers - (Newest, 18 March 2008)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

fat girl needing a man to date but why none have asked me ? i am a 24 year old fat woman who has had two problems most of her life not having guys ask me out and my weight by trying to loose it even though i gain more . it is bugging me . i tried exercise and eating right but i give up easily , i would try online dating but i am not sure . i knew a girl in high school who was also big like me but she had a boyfriend and they had been together two years . though i still live with my parents that is not the case . it is upsetting me. i wonder why and how she a fat girl herself had a boyfriend and i didn't . what made her hookup with him and why no one hooked up with me in high school and college . i feel so sad maybe i should turn to dr. phil for help . what can i do advice .

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A male reader, LazyGuy Netherlands +, writes (18 March 2008):

LazyGuy agony aunthttp://www.okcupid.com/virgin

Try this one and spot the virgin. Hint, if you see a thin pretty woman and a fat okay woman, pick the thin pretty one. She is the virgin.

Fat girls have all the fun. What may be your problem is that you worry about being fat. Did your friend or was she just an amazingly fun person to be around?

Nothing is a bigger turn-off then being around a woman who constantly worries about her diet, especially if it is not having any effect. You loose the guys who only like skinnies ones AND turning of the guys who want a girl who is fun.

It sounds corny, but if you want to be loved you first got to love yourselve. Accept that no matter what you look like not everyone will go for you. Blondes want to be brunettes, skinny girls want to be fat, tall want to be short. Young girls try to look older, mature women try to look younger.

And all the whole men go unwashed, unshaved, belching and farting, growing beer bellies and hair in the oddest places and worry not one sec what the opposite sex thinks of it all because the mighty love rod (all 10 centimeters of it) will cause all things female to fall to their feet.

You have proof fat doesn't stop you from finding love in your friend.

Online dating involves you having to create a profile, a resume of who you are. If the only thing on it is "I am fat and unhappy" "Hobbies: dieting" then it ain't going to work, you can see that right?

Get a hobby, learn to enjoy your life as a single and then you have a far better sight of coming across a guy who thinks "WOW she is FUN to be with, I want to see more of her".

No, some men will always see the fat, well the skinny girls can have them, right up until the point they get pregnant. You go for the guys who like character, your personality never gets fat or old. Why do you think some young men go for women twice their age? Because they are breath of fresh air after all the neurotic 20yr olds.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008):

Don't be sad. Don't think because you are heavy you can't get a boyfriend. I am also 24 and I have never had a boyfriend and I am not heavy. I have dated many men, and none of them amounted to a having a lasting relationship. I don't live with my parents and that has still not helped my cause either. Just know that you are a beautiful girl and e will find his way to you. I know I get sad and lonely sometimes because all if my friends have boyfriends, but think about it all of those relationships might not last and they will be in the same boat as you are me. I would say take time to get to know who you are as a person, building your life and career and start to love yourself more, and he will come. Just don't let this rule your life. Also don't settle, just because you want a boyfriend.

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A female reader, Domino6Emz United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2007):

i can understand where you are coming from. i see myself as a fat girl and i haven't had a boyfriend in ages. i recently learnt that if you want to suceed in life you need to be confident in yourself this means startig off with improving how you feel about yourself. as soon as you seem more confident about yourself more people are going to start taking notice of you. if you show some self worth you can achieve much more in life and people will respect you for your achievements. change you hair or clothes to make yourself feel better. and just this may get more men to notice you. showing that you are happy by smiling and having a positive attitude can also help. dont think of yourself as fat but think of yourself as who you are and you should see a difference in your life. your not fat you are just yourself. if you still feel that you are overweight, you could have amazing results if you actually try i did and lost lots of weight and i do feel better about myself.

i hope my advice helps.

x

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A female reader, Domino6Emz United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2007):

I can understand where you are coming from. I see myself as a fat girl and i haven't had a boyfriend in ages. I recently learnt that if you want to suceed in life you need to be confident in yourself this means starting off with improving how you feel about yourself.

As soon as you seem more confident about yourself more people are going to start taking notice of you. If you show some self worth you can achieve much more in life and people will respect you for your achievements. Change you hair or clothes to make yourself feel better. and just this may get more men to notice you. Showing that you are happy by smiling and having a positive attitude can also help. Don't think of yourself as fat but think of yourself as who you are and you should see a difference in your life. Your not fat you are just yourself. If you still feel that you are overweight, you could have amazing results if you actually try i did and lost lots of weight and i do feel better about myself.

I hope my advice helps.

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007):

Awww!!! Its alright.. finding a great guy takes time! I'm a bigger girl too, and I'm also shy.. just because your big dosen't mean your not attractive. You have to be really outgoing.. and don't worry about what people think, the most important thing is, Are you happy with yourself, and the way you look now? In not, change for the better! Get out and do more exercise, drink plenty of water, and eat less.. and healtheier! But if you are happy, just start talking to guys.. I know its hard, but just try it. I'm going to be honest.. I am 20 now, and in my whole life I have only had 2 real boyfriends.. I am with somebody now, and I met him online.. we have met, and things are going great! So maybe you should join "MySpace.com".. and start making some friends around your area. All this will help, and just look nice.. =) Like have good hygene.. dont go out with a stained shirt, and stringy hair.. just saying... Just look good, talk to people.. all of that! Things will work at for you!

Later,

Melissa.

=)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007):

Why don't you ask her how it happened that the two of them got together? You may learn something there. Believe it or not, there are men who like larger women. You just haven't found one yet. You might try visiting some dating sites that cater to this specifically and see what happens. I know it's hard to lose weight, but for health reasons, not vanity, not for a man, you should consider sticking with a plan that will help you in this area. I joined Nutri-systems and it worked for me, but there are other programs available. You'll feel better and more confident and the best part is, you'll be healthier in the long run.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007):

girl, you need confidence. Not all guys are interested in your figure alone, those guys are the kind you don't want anyway. What I would recomend is spend some time on you forget about finding a relationship. Once you can do this everything will fall in place. Go out have fun and do your own thing, the right guy will be attracted by you and you will know he likes you for you. If you try to hard just to get thier attention, you aren't having any fun and you aren't trying to just be yourself.

Also, just because you are fat doesn't mean you aren't beautiful, you need to realize that. Take one day a week or how ever often you like and take a long bath, with a face mask on, do your nails, and drink a beer. Well, the beer is what I like to do. But pamper yourself. When you can feel that you are beautiful everyone else will see you as beautiful too.

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A female reader, shizzle United Kingdom +, writes (2 August 2007):

shizzle agony auntI seriously understand what you are sayin! I myself am a fat girl- n have also had the same issues concernin guys! however i took this obsession one step too far and have spent the past 3 yrs making myself sick after every meal! I am more self conscious now than I was ever back then. I wished I had just accepted who i was back then. yea i have had 'boys' pay me attention-but only becoz for a lil while i had some confidence- that is what will attract men, not whether or not your a size 4/6/8 etc. I now have the problem of being too scared to involve myself with a man in case they realise what i am and what i do-who would want to get in a relationship with a head case. So please if you are that desperate to get a guy, stop focusing on your weight and think positive. And big doesn't have to mean ugly! And if the men that you know dont wanna be with u just becoz of your size then they're c**** and your better of without them

xx

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A female reader, Artemesian Australia +, writes (2 August 2007):

Artemesian agony auntHi there

Being fat doesn't mean you aren't worthy or can't have a great relationship with someone. I'm definitely not a thin person myself yet I have had boyfriends and am currently in a wonderful relationship - how you look isn't everything there is to you, besides I am sure you have things about your looks that are great, size isn't the only factor. There are guys out there that don't just want a girlfriend for how they look alone, and hey if that is something you want there are men who prefer larger women (although harder to find than others!) But honestly I can tell you from my own personal experience being in your position when i was at the end of high school and I had never kissed, never had a real boyfriend or anything, it got me down and I managed to lose weight and that made me so much more confident I got a boyfriend straight away. He wasn't with me because of how I looked (I was still plump) and it made me realise that I could have had a boyfriend much earlier on if I had only had the confidence to make the effort to get one.

I know confidence isn't something you can just turn on like a switch but I can tell you that there are many guys out there (it is easy to find them on the internet as well as people around you) that would love to be your boyfriend, but they won't flock to you without encouragement. Put yourself out there more (even if it's just making a profile on a dating site) and I am sure you'll find what you want!

Best wishes and good luck! xo

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007):

Hun, you need to accept who you are and you are worthy of love, for just who you are. Irregardless of size, a self-confidence like that will shine through. Understand this-- No one is any more or less of a person because of a simple number on a scale. We are all worthy of life, love and to have a positive sense of self. Size acceptance isn't about giving up - it's about demanding respect for yourself and taking control of your life, your happiness and your emotional health. It's about not letting a biased society or your size keep you from living your life fully - right now - at any weight. Everyone needs support, friendship, respect, and acceptance. If you aren't finding it in your current group of friends or social group, perhaps it's time to find a new way of finding others who are open minded and do love you for you..not your size. It's time to take charge of your own life. Why don't you research the internet for larger size acceptance, good quality dating sites, hun? Places where you find like minded people, who don't care about one's size, but more about the size of their heart, their intellect, their spirit. Theyare out there..you just have to find them. Please think about staying just who you are. Happiness for life comes from within you. Once you show that to the world..you may be surprised at what could happen. I guess I am trying to say is..if you are strong, in good health, kind, caring...why would you live for someone else’s image? Why make yourself miserable just to look good to someone else? Look into those dating site for where there are size acceptance males and females looking to date. Let me know how you do, dear. Good luck and take care.

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A male reader, GreenTea United States +, writes (2 August 2007):

Well you address yourself as a fat girl. That is unhealthy in every aspect to see yourself as anything other than a just a "girl."

You don't have a boyfriend, not because your fat. But because how you see yourself.

You need to move out of your parents house.

It takes 2 people to make a relationship. You need to go after guys a little too. You cant just wait around for them to come to you.

If you truly believe your extra weight is holding you back. then either get used to it or get serious and lose it. I know its hard. But if you really think that then you should just get used to not having a boyfriend.

If you don't have the self discipline to lose weight. Your not ready to have a relationship.

ta

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