A
male
age
36-40,
*onfusedguy2009
writes:hi,i am a 22 yr old guy, deeply in love with a classmate, who is 21.he is bisexual, for i know he had girlfriends and was physical with them.he is extremely caring, affectionate and i know loves me very much. but problem is, he still wants to have sex with other girls.. strangely he is definitely not emotionally attached to any of them, i know, neither does he respect them, yet he just loves to have sex!!he is strangely emotionally connected with me and we are also into a physical relationship.he is now away from me in his hometown for 3 months vacation. he often calls me up , loves talking with me but says i had sex with this girl etc etc.. when i angry, he says how does it matter what i do with rest, when it comes to love, i love you only...i know its true, and i dont doubt it.. but i feel insecure because of the relationships he is having with others... he never hides anything from me, and says even after our marriage(to others!), i will still love you..p.s.: 1)i never knew i was gay/bi, before i met this guy and had a girlfriend2) our society is still not very open to homosexuality.how do i handle this?? i know he loves me, but how to stop continuously feeling insecure... please help..
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male
reader, groovymoving  +, writes (16 June 2010):
What I suggest doing is rethinking some aspects of life.
In other words, are sex and love tied to one another unconditionally? I don't think so. The way I look at the world, sex should be part of a relationship based on love. However, love does not necessarily have to be a part of sex.
How come? Well, sex is the ultimate expression of love, right? But sex is also the fulfilment of simple earthly desires. Two people who are in love have sex together to express their love towards each other. But sometimes there is a simple need to satisfy the uttermost normal sexual cravings and/or desires without involving love. It technically has the same effect as masturbating, the only difference being that there are more people involved than only you, it is done together with an another (or several other) human being(s).
If he wants to have sex with other people, I think you shouldn't have anything against it unless it makes you feel really bad. In fact, I'd suggest you should try having sex with other people, too. If a love is real, it will not vanish purely because of satisfying desires (which can be seen as needs, just like the ones you have for air, food and love).
To sum it up, my opinion is that sex and love are not bound to each other. Think about this and good luck with your relationship!
A
male
reader, confusedguy2009 +, writes (27 May 2010):
confusedguy2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all 3 of u!! specially dial-emma, for you really helped me to solve a part of my dilemma!..okay, firstly i am in too much in love too break up.. and i guess its not quite imminent, for the guy also feels some what helpless when i am not around...i have told him, see if you really love me, you definitely want to see me happy and in that case, you have to stop sleeping around...he promised he wont... and apparently i am quite convinced for till now, he hasn't ever told a lie... i can only hope he keeps it this time too..thanks a lot guys...i guess i also had been neglecting him quite a bit over this vacation!
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker  +, writes (26 May 2010):
He may love you, but he clearly doesn't plan on having a long term relationship with you. He also doesn't seem to be very loyal to you. You have good reason to be insecure. It just seems like in the end you're only going to get hurt so I would cut things off with him. You can still be friends, but a physical relationship with this guy probably isn't a good idea. Also if he is sleeping with other people while he is seeing you, you have an increased chance of getting an STD. To me he seems like a selfish person to be perfectly honest. He is only thinking about what he wants and if he is sleeping with other people you may only be nothing more than a fling to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Hello,
He says he loves you, but he's not committed to you. He's open on who he's slept with etc. You mentioned he loves you yet wants to have his fun with others. You need to decide whether or not you can be in an open relationship with him or move on.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, Dial-Emma  +, writes (26 May 2010):
If you are involved with this guy and are both claiming to be in love with each other, it strikes me a bit strange that he's sleeping with anyone else - whether it be male or female, unless you have agreed to an open relationship. This all sounds like a confusing situation. He seems to always want to have you there, but be able to move on with his life with other people, especially if he is talking about marriage to others. This might be great for him, but it's definitely not for you!Unless he stops sleeping with other people, or you end the relationship, you are probably going to continue to feel insecure-as its a totally natural reaction in this situation.Tell him you are not coping well with him sleeping with anyone else, and it is constantly making you feel insecure. If he truely loves you he will do something to stop you feeling that way! If not you need to seriously consider if you can continue seeing someone that can't be exclusive to just you, or if continuing to see him is going to do more damage than good.Look out for number one!!I really hope you find your way with this one! Good luck!
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