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I keep going back to my ex even though I know I need to move on! Any tips?

Tagged as: Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 August 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 2 September 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi well my problem is that me and my ex boyfriend where together for four years and that was two years ago we randomly sleep together when we see eachother which i regret after every time.

Could you give me some tips on how to let go and stop going back because its embarassing people hate us together because all my friends say i can do better and that hes not worth it because he sleeps around with hundreds of girls and doesnt care he even sleeps with people i know which puts me down a lot because i would never do that to him.

I just dont know what to do my friends have given up on telling me not to go back to him so i have no one really to talk to about it.

I dont understand why i keep going back because hes not who he used to be and i also think hes lost his looks with age but i always have that urge, like a habit.maybe revenge for how badly he treated me in the past i just dont know can you help?

Ive also lost a lot of confidence since being single basically because my ex told me i couldnt get any other guy and that hes the best il ever have.I used to be so confident and felt sexy and out going and no male was ever too good for me now i just feel hopeless and quite frankly alone.

View related questions: confidence, move on, my ex, puts me down, revenge

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009):

I think you are way better than that.First of all you need to stop communicating with him and if he tries to call tell him whats on your mind,cuz you seem to love him tell him how you feel everything thats troubling you and tell him he needs to fix that if he doesn't want you need to get the courage and leave.If he tries to contact you tell me to get off your phone, the first step is brak off all communication by the way you should spend more time on loving you so you won't need anyone to make you feel that way,and some guys don't know a good thing until they loose it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

Thanx guys for your advice!!!it really helped im glad that im not the only one who goes through this.I know and feel happier when im not around him but its just when i see him just all my morals and all the bad things that hes done seems to flutter out the window.

Sadly my ex is best friends with my brother which doesnt help but i will say no to him definately now i deserve better and i dont want to feel ashamed of myself anymore!!!wish me luck!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

I just went through the same thing. You feel alone, unwanted and unloved. It sucks, it really does. You have such a strong sexual desire for him because you were with him for four years!! You guys clearly had good sex, and were probably happy for most of your relationship. You seem like a smart, sweet girl, you NEED to move on. Just cut him out of your life.. stop the phone calls, stop seeing him, avoid him until the urge to have sex and be with him settles down. Cold turkey is literally the only way to get over it. When me and my ex broke up I felt the same way, and I didnt want him to be with anyone else, thats why i kept taking him back.. now, i havent talked to him in 3 weeks and I feel amazing. I feel freed, laid back, and ready to find someone who will actually treat me well and appreciate me. You deserve the same! Go find that man who will be the one, the one that will make you forget about this LOSER!

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (7 August 2009):

rcn agony auntRevenge, for who? I don't personally know a guy who'd consider sex as being revenge against them. Sometimes, especially when you have a diminished self esteem, its easier going back to someone who isn't the best for you than it is to enter into unknown territory with someone new.

As far as his saying he's he best you'll find. Who gave him that power to determine that for you? As long as you keep going back, your accepting his treating you the way he has been. It's not going to change. He's not going to change for you no matter how much you'd like it to be different. People change for themselves, and more often than not have a major wake up call that causes or set the change in motion. As long as you, and these hundreds of other women sleep with him, he's going to gladly keep taking what you're giving.

Some people aren't very nice. Just because he's not, doesn't mean you can't be as you were before you had met him. It's up to you to look in the mirror and tell yourself you're better than what he's been dishing out, and that you deserve more than what you've been getting. Say to yourself that although you desire it, you're not going to do it because you know the feelings it leads up to. Prove to yourself that you can still make decisions that are in your best interest, and not catering to a guy who's wrong about being the best you'll find.

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