New here? Register in under one minute   Already a member? Login225122 questions, 978891 answers  

  DearCupid.ORG relationship advice
  Got a relationship, dating, love or sex question? Ask for help!Search
 New Questions Answers . Most Discussed Viewed . Unanswered . Followups . Forums . Top agony aunts . About Us .  Articles  . Sitemap

Men: Why do you check out other women when you have a girlfriend?

Tagged as: Big Questions<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 August 2009) 17 Answers - (Newest, 29 August 2009)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Why do men always check out other women when they have a girlfriend? I know all the theory of men instinctively wanting variety in women, but I'd still like a male perspective on it. Particularly when the guy is actually with his girlfriend. I don't mind them doing it, but not to the extent I see sometimes where they practically injure their necks lol. One ex of mine did it all the time with me, but if I looked anywhere near another guy it turned into a week long fight. Then when I was dating a guy 18 years older than me, I'd sometimes see him checking out other women, older and less attractive than me, so it's not a subconscious looking for young and fertile thing.

<-- Rate this Question

Reply to this Question


Share

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2009):

I think hijacked dignity had the best answer. Yes, ideally, when you're together and in love, you should only look at your significant other. However, life is not ideal. Human nature is not ideal. You can be totally and completely head over heals for someone, but when you're not with them, you can see someone else who is attractive and just look. My theory is that glancing is nothing--THAT is what's human nature. Staring is when it's wrong. I have a boyfriend of a year and five months; I'm not blind--I notice other good-looking males and I glance, but I don't full-on check them out out of respect of my boyfriend. And frankly I think my boyfriend is the best looking of them all (being completely honesty), so other guys don't really pique my interest all that much; they're just cute. It's the same for my boyfriend. It's human nature to look, YES. My parents have been married twenty years and they know that they are only meant for each other and that they only want each other, so my mom found no problem when they were dating and were newlyweds when he would go to strip bars with his friends (she was actually invited and went and had a good time herself, too) and things of the like.

You're not going to like that the other person looks, per se, but don't pick a fight if it's just a glance. Chances are, they didn't even notice they did it. It's the whole checking out scenario that is disrespectful.

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009):

because guys are stupid perverted animals. And then when you do it they get all jealous and angry. Aww poor baby! Well girls have feelings too. How about this one? Why do guys talk about how hot other girls are while they are in a relationship with you?

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009):

sometimes its really hard to control, i'm in love with someone, not my girlfriend so technically its not cheating right? BUT i do feel guilty, i really wish to dig my eyes out sometimes(yes that is sick), i disgust myself but there are times where it is really hard to control

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009):

I can answer that question easily. I have a big problem with my wife (married for 4 years). I can't help it but to look at other women and can't help it but to imagine other women during sex.

I thought "WHY???" I do love her, I don't want to run away from her or anything like that. I think it does have a lot to do with instincts. For the past 40 000 (that's as long as homo-sapience existed) we were led by alfa-males. The man who has a full access to all females in the tribe. The responsibility of the man is to spread his genes as far and wide as possible. That's what he was made for, that's evolution. Tell me, how many times do you have to have sex with a guy to become preagnant (if it's your "very lucky day")? Once could do that. But what is the guy to do? Me, I could have sex with my wife 7 times a day in the beginning. Men are not made for being with one woman. Even if not in their mind, in thier subconcious, they will want to f*ck around. It may not be a direct urge towards other women. It could be imagining things during intercourse, watching porn or looking at other women on the street. The today's monogammy is an insult at man's nature, I'd say. Don't get me wrong, I do love my wife, I want to be with her, but to put it in simple words, I am just sexually tired of her. and she would not let me compensate for it in any way. "You shouldn't imagine anyone but me! You shouldn't watch porn (psychological adultry as she calls it)! You shouldn't look at anyone but me! And, sure as hell, you shouldn't f*ck around!" But if I don't imagine other women, I can't cum. I can't help it but to sneakily watch porn or someone attractive on the street and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have other women (another problem is that my wife is my first woman, I don't know what I am missing out on...

All these things I realised through my own research and analisys, so you have a "guy's side of the story" from me. If you feel like you may want to discuss it, send me an e-mail on [email address blocked]

Greets.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, mizo Saudi Arabia +, writes (8 August 2009):

as for me i cant control it really, i have addiction to beauty of women, i have a GF & i love her so much & we gonna be married someday soon, but if i were with her my eyes & mind totally focusing on her,no one else, but y we looking at other women ?? if we looking for other girls in the street that dsnt mean we r cheating on our GFs, we just like to chick'em out, some times we r looking to make our girls feel jealousy, thats cuz we care about our girls, & if we looks at other girl that dsnt mean we want a replace 4 u, girls u need to understand this is our nature & its not our fault.

now u gonna say : y u get so mad & angry if we looks at other men ?? because thats really hurts us,we love u to respect us as we do, man can control his feeling & instinct .. but not all girls do, they can get attracted by anything IF they not fully attracted to her BF.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

To notice someone attractive is normal and something NO HUMAN has any control over, it's subconscious!! We were born to breed, not to marry, but if someone consciously enters into a relationship then they should respect their partner and make a conscious decision not to stare after noticing someone attractive. As a man, I know it can be difficult to control raw instinct, some think it doesn't hurt to look, until your girl whacks you over the back of your head. ;) Anyway, try not to stare guys, after all we don't like it, it implies that we are unworthy, ugly, and weak, and that really hurts if you admit it or not.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, chloe88 United Kingdom +, writes (7 August 2009):

I think its ok. As long as they look and not touch its ok. Us women do it all the time.....so we can't tell them not 2 do it if we are doin it ourselfs.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

Well, you guys might think it's normal and acceptable, but you clearly have no regard for your significant other or the person you are staring at, who you have reduced to nothing more than an object to view, rather than a person as a whole. Talk about uncomfortable, not only to be with a person that does that but also to be the person being viewed. Have you ever been looked at by a guy when he is with another girl - it's quite horrible and I have nothing but loathing for a guy who does that. It's time you guys kept your behaviour in check.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

Oh please 'anonymous'.... poor little men are just programmed that way and of course how silly us women we just 'ask for it' by the way we dress. Get real!!. Women look at men (by the way), men look at women. Women look at women. Men look at men. Basically we all look at anything that is attractive to the eye (and for women that can be shoes, clothes, a naked man). It all boils down to respecting the person you are with and if you are walking down the street and gawping at a girl when your own girlfriend is on your arm its just insulting, rude, bad manners. Who wants to be with a guy that is all those things? We are not daft us girls - we know men look at other women - we just want them to make us feel special and respected and one way is to give us the attention we deserve as your girlfriend and not make us feel like second best. If I sat down to a lovely meal someone had carefully prepared and halfway through reached across to pick up the menu from the local chinese take-away and checked out what was on it then I'd expect my host to be a little bit insulted. Men do it because they have not learnt that it is rude and want to 'get away with it' (their poor eyes - visual creatures). I would not date a guy that had no manners. Men with manners - they do exist :-)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

Men are visually-oriented; we are made that way and cannot be expected to fly against our natures.

Women exploit that fact every day by dressing in such a way as to attract - part of THEIR natures too, and unalterable.

At least he is honest and open about it: the alternative would be for him to ogle surrepticiously (because he will do it, and those on here that have said they don't - sorry chaps, remember Pinocchio?) and hide it from you as you walk together. Then you will be more upset and be forever watching him for signs that he is "clocking the birds".

Right now, you know exactly where you stand.

Well, you don't actually because you think he is disrespecting you, but in fact he is only following Nature's programming and can't help it.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, deadduderc United States +, writes (7 August 2009):

It's because there are TOO many beautiful women in this world to completely focus on just one. But a guy is NOT cheating on you if he simply looks at other females, so don't make an issue of it or he might dump you!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, hijacked_dignity United States +, writes (7 August 2009):

hijacked_dignity agony auntWhoa whoa whoa.

Ok. Why do guys look at other girls? Because there are attractive girls out there other than you! I mean of course they think you are some hot stuff, because let's face it, they are with you! And you can definitely tell if your guy is with you because he loves you or because he's just waiting for something better to come by. If he's the type of guy who really seems to dig you, then who cares if he glances at other women? I mean you are looking at other guys too on occasion, aren't you? I mean I love my boyfriend to pieces and I think he is very attractive, but if I see a good looking guy, I'm going to sneak a peek for a second or two. It's just natural. I'm not thinking in my head 'oh my god this guy is so much hotter than my boyfriend', or 'ugh i wish i could just screw this guy right now'. It's just something I do without really thinking. And I'm sure it is the same for guys as well. It never reflects their thoughts on who they are with, nor is it a comparison with what they have. It's kind of like window shopping. You see something in the window of a shop you walk by the street and you glance at it for a second with no intention of buying. It just sneaks up and catches your interest.

Now as for your ex looking quite obviously while you were around, that's not cool. If a guy cares for you, he tends to at least attempt to make it look like he is paying attention to you only. He keeps your feelings in perspective, and no one feels good about watching their significant other check out someone else. So watch out for that trait, because the right guy will make you feel good about yourself and be conscious of that type of thing. :)

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

ohhh wait I got one... How about he is a self centerd a-hole... cause that is my theory... If he cared there would not be anyone else to see. Notice when your in a fight.. your the only one he looks at... cause the troll don't want to be alone.. but, once hes off the hook... his eyes move quicker than radio waves.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

Personaly i find it very distasteful and disgusting that men can actualy do that whilst they are with their girlfriends/wives when i am with my wife my eyes focus on her and her only as she is beautiful not only on the outside but also on the in but if i am out with my mates i also do not tend to look as i go out for a pint and and a laugh not to think and look and wonder what if

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

My ex used to do that a lot too.its wierd because when im out with my guy friends they never really seem that bothered about other girls but more interested in the conversation unless a really hot girl walks past theyl obviously wouldnt ignore her.

my theory to why bfs look/perv on other women are:

1.they are generally interested in the public,on how people dress etc

2.they are trying to make you jealous

3.They believe in the male fact that you can look but you cant touch

4.They are longing to be single so they can shag around?

i used to get a few arguments out of looking at men but i dont think its fair if he looks and i cant and seeing that jealousy from him showed me he cared.

hope that helps slightly!

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

"attached to the woman whole " =

"attached to the woman's face."

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

A reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009):

There's a magnetic force. The South magnetic pull is attached to the woman whole the North pull is on the man's eyes. The South end starts at the woman's face and doesn't end till her toes, so once the magnitization is activated, the only escape is to drag your eyes over her entire body. So if she is walking too quickly and their eyes can't escape, that's when they begin to injure their necks.

That's the only thing I can come up with hon.

~Sy.

<-- Rate this answer

...............................   

Add your answer to the question "Men: Why do you check out other women when you have a girlfriend?"

Already have an account? Login first
Don't have an account? Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended!

All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft

0.0625!