A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have always had trust issues and i keep finding myself trusting the wrong people. When my boyfriend had cheated on me before with one my friends, it became even harder. It's been a long time now and we are back together, but my trust is not completely there for him yet. I really wish it was but a girl from his past who has liked him and who he first fell in love with seems to be back in the picture and im being so paranoid about it. He is not close with her any longer, but i cant get it out of my head that he will end up falling in love with her after he starts spending more time with her as she seems to want to. The thing is, she is also an extremely manipulative user and we both seem to see that in her, but there are times where she is so seemingly nice (though i know this is an act as she has betrayed many friends, including me before) My boyfriend says hes not going to do anything because he loves me and he keeps asking me to trust him on this and i keep throwing what happened in the past in his face as my excuse. I feel horrible about it and at the same time i cant help but think that i have slight reason not to fully trust him right now, though i really want to. please help
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female
reader, confwom +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Everbody deserves a second chance. As your boy friends says that he loves you and to trust him, give him a chance and dont throw it on his face. But internally dont keep your trust on him totally so that you wont be broken if cheats again on you. This way if he cheats again, you should be able to move on and no other chance for him in your life. But before all these think whether you need him really that much as he has already cheated on you.
A
male
reader, Frustrated1 +, writes (19 May 2009):
If I may be so blunt... If you don't trust him, dump him.
You broke up with him for a reason, the only reason we get back together with an ex is to remember why we broke up in the first place.
In my opinion, cheaters are cheaters are cheaters. I can't forgive this, no matter what. It doesn't feel good to be cheated on, and if someone can stoop to cheating on you, they don't deserve to be with you.
People do change, don't get me wrong... but they change when they are forced to. When they have no other option BUT to change. He is now back in a comfortable situation that he knows... he's in the situation that he cheated on already. The conditions are set for it to happen again, and all the while... this time, you have lost trust and are just "waiting" for the inevitable.
Ditch him and find someone new. Trust them until you cannot. Everyone deserves one chance. You can't compare a new guy to a previous, as it's not fair to the new guy.
I had a GF cheat on me a long time ago that I forgave. It drove me insane and I had to break up with her. My forgiveness was a valiant effort that I simply couldn't do.
Anyhow, there are plenty of non-cheating / trust worthy fish in the sea. You probably won't find them at clubs or bars though. o.O
I hope this helps.
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