A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I split from my daughter's father/my partner 3 and a half years ago, I haven't slept with a single person since. I've never been in a rush to move on as I haven't wanted to introduce anyone in to my daughter's life. I have had many dates but never slept with anyone as I end up cancelling dates and put them off. I met someone at work a year and a half ago and we went on a few dates, he is the only one I have ever really liked, but when it comes down to sleeping with him I end up cancelling just like before. I have thought about sleeping with him which I would quite like to but when it comes to it I just can't. I'm too nervous and I end up making excuses for why I can't see him. The only reasons I can think of is that I can't stand my fat, I know a lot of people think I have a good body but that's because I hide it well in good clothes, I have stretch marks all over and cellulite on my legs. He is in a wheelchair which doesn't bother me but I wonder how that is going to work and am too embarrassed to say anything about it. Sometimes I feel more than happy to be single as I don't have to impress anyone or do the housework if they are coming round lol. Then sometimes I feel lonely and would love to have someone there for me. We make each other laugh and fancy each other but we've never had a serious conversation, I sometimes think maybe he is too young for me, he is 25 and lives with his mom, please if you have any opinions or otherwise it would be greatly appreciated.
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at work, move on, stretch marks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Get out the stretch mark cream, dim the lights and get on with it:) Get a sheer robe and enjoy yourself. Buy nickers that stay on during the event. At the right timing of course.
Don't make sex such an issue for you, try and learn and grow to know potential suitors first. Why not also consider going out with a few different guys for fun, including some your age for comparison. And take sex out of the equation. This guy sounds nice.
Age gaps aren't necessarily a problem unless it is the wrong person. Although anything over 10 years can be hard, unless you simply make each other happy and want to be together. Why not plan on how many dates you might have before you could enjoy a kiss and take it slowy.
And talk to anyone that you have dated, about things along the way, to gage how it's going.
If you decide to see this guy (25) don't feel in a rush - you never know he may feel just the same. I would however re-assure him that you are attracted to him - if you do decide to take it further in future as he is in a wheelchair he is probably much more insecure than you and would need that re-assurance.
A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Dear Anonymous,
I think it's really admirable that you're so considerate of your daughters feeling and understandable that after a big seperation you are having trouble consumating any new relationships.
I'd say keep spending time with him, it doesn't have to be sexual striaght off the bat. You can be close and intimate without having full blown sex. Also, there is a possibility that because he is in a wheelchair he can't have sex? You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with no matter how much time you're spending together. I'd say bite the bullet and go on that date you always put off, see where it leads and have the "chat" when your comfortable. It sounds like sex will be a topic both of you have some limitations around and if you can get comfortable enough to talk about these issues then sex will follow.
Don't be too hard on yourself! Take things at your own pace, try and be upfront and honest and do what you need to do for you.
Issues like him being younger and living with his Mum could be deal-breakers for you, but only you can decide that. And if you overcome all other obstacles they might not seem so important.
As for body image-I haven't seen you, but I'm sure you are underestimating yourself! Most women I know hate vast parts of their bodies, but when your comfortable with someone, someone who fancies you, they tend to matter less.
Hope that helps.
Good Luck!
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