A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm asking a question about half-siblings.My dad told me this weekend I have two half-siblings, Talia and Jane; Dad's ex from years ago contacted him via Facebook out of the blue and told him about his daughters; it means that I've got two half-siblings in New Zealand, both aged 36, and twins, not identical twins though.Dad told me that his ex left him when they were 18 months old and would not let him see them; she fled back to New Zealand with them (apparently she dumped my dad because he wasn't wealthy enough for her). She just disappeared and was never heard from again. He wanted to do the decent thing and look after his kids, but she left him after a 4-year relationship and didn't explain why.I asked him to tell me a bit more, but he said "You can't tell mum... she wouldn't understand!".I'm curious about it, but don't know how to write a good message or even contact them on social media.I wonder if they're as curious about me.I don't want to sound selfish, but this whole situation is concerning me.I'm in Australia, my half-sisters are in New Zealand.I only learnt this around 2 weeks ago and have had worries since... Dad's been worrying about why his ex just contacted him after years away (they never married) and if there's an ulterior motive.How should I handle things, as I don't know what to do about half-sisters I never knew about?I love my Dad but don't know how to handle things, let alone getting a meeting with them.What do I do now? This is worrying me. A LOT.
View related questions:
facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2021): Fretting and jumping to conclusions is really pointless. Nothing is certain without a paternity test; and should they prove to be biological-offspring scientifically...the fact remains...you now have two new members to add to your family-tree.
You may presume they must have some ulterior motive, or they've got some devious plan up their sleeves. Even if they have, they had no choice of whom their father is. Did you?
Couldn't it be possible the twins pressured their mother, because they want to know who their father is? Put yourself in their shoes. Wouldn't you want to put an end to such a mystery? Wouldn't you be overwhelmed with curiosity to know, if you never knew who your dad is? Suddenly you realize he's alive, and you know how to reach him.
Tell us, what would you do? The internet has only been available to the public since August 6,1991! It's not unusual for single-moms to want to get-on with their lives and raise their children on their own. If she has avoided giving him trouble the past 20-36 years; just assume this whole thing is just for your half-sisters to meet you and your dad.
Take in stride. You're not a child. Welcome to the realities of life. Don't just assume bad things. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Surprise! You're no longer an only daughter! Keeping it from your mother is foolish and unfair. She'll have to know and get-over it too!
You have the choice to meet them, or refuse any contact. It won't change anything by brewing-up all kinds of wild suspicions in your mind. This isn't anything new. They only want to meet the man who fathered them. He never bothered to search for them, or tell your mother about them; so this is likely to happen.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (31 March 2021):
 It's a little late for your dad to worry, his "kids" have been in the World for 36 years!
I can't imagine WHO he didn't find a way to keep in contact with his kids! That to me is unimaginable!
If he is on the birth certificate he has rights as a dad. What she did back in the day, is basically parental abduction.
But back to you.
You could have your dad ASK his daughters (if he also now talk to them) if they would like to get to know you. Be prepared for a no, though. You have no idea what the mother has told her kids about your dad. Since THEY have never attempted to find him either.
You also DO NOT have to meet them. Ever. If you want to then do so at YOUR discretion. I would probably "pump" your dad for more info about where they are at, names, etc, and then go from there.
Also, there are all the DNA ancestry tests and websites that could be an option. IF either if the twins have taken one, and YOU take one- you will show up on theirs and they will show up on yours.
Your dad needs to come clean to your mom. But that is HIs problem, not yours.
...............................
|
