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I just don't feel involved in this relationship anymore. Is this normal?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 March 2016) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I need some advice regarding my LDR.

During the first 2 years of our relationship, I was very eager and excited to visit him and for him to visit me. We saw eachother every month. I looked forward to our phone calls every night. I loved to see him during our facetime sessions. I can spend the entire day with him and still feel we didn't spend enough time together.

Now, two years later, I can't stand being on the phone with him for more than an hour. Usually there's not much to talk about any way. Convo might be great the first 10 minutes but dies down after that and I feel that I'm wasting time holding on to the phone listening to him breathe. Same with Facetime, I feel trapped to stare at the screen and not be able to use my phone or computer to surf the net or do other things.

I used to make up any and every excuse I can think of so my boss allows me time off to see him. Now I used my boss and work as excuse to NOT see him. I'm always too busy at work. We've only seen each other once this year and I feel that it's enough.. well maybe one more visit, but not more. I'm too busy. I don't want to take time off from work. I traveled a lot prior to meeting him. I'd travel at least two times per year internationally. Since I've met him, I haven't gone any where. I'd rather travel somewhere else than to visit him again. We talked about travelling together. He wants to go to Mexico for cheap massages and drink and party all night long. I want to visit the world where I wakw up early to explore the country and learn the culture.

I just don't feel into this relationship anymore. Is this normal?

View related questions: at work, cheap, my boss, the internet, trapped

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (7 March 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntIt sounds to me like you should end things so you can live your life how you want to.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (7 March 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt I am not sure what exactly you are asking -

If all people lose interest in their relationship after two years ?

If all LDRs go belly up after a while ?

Well, no. Some do and some don't. But of course that does not make the people who do get fed up " abnormal ".

Are you asking if two years is too early to have a change of heart ?...

There's no fixed time, I guess. There are a lot of relationships that first sizzle then fizzle. Often people start from attraction and curiosisty and butterflies in the stomach, hoping to also develop compatibility in time, and it does not happen. Or simply they discover that they are not enough in love to make all the efforts and adjustments and compromises that ANY relationship may require , not just a long distance one.

It seems that , for whatever reason, your relationship has run its course. Maybe you weren't cut out for a long distance relationship , maybe in time you discovered differences that you weren't fully aware of before ( he = Mexicp and margaritas, you = early mornings and culture ).

My advice , as lame as it sounds, is : hey , it happens. Don't feel bad about it. You changed your mind, and / or had a change of heart, it could happen to anybody. Just do not string the poor guy along, and do not drag on something in which clearly you heart is not in anymore.

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A female reader, miss frank United Kingdom +, writes (7 March 2016):

Hi. Unless there I more to this than you are telling us here, why have you not finished this relationship? Are you scared to? And why? Is it familiarity? Are you worried that you may lose the possibility of how you were together for the first two years? What's keeping you in this relationship?

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