A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just broke up with my girlfriend of 1 year and 6 months and i am having mixed feelings of regret, sympathy, anger, etc. The reason was because she is really insecure and jealous and possessive for no reason towards me. she is so irrational. We are pretty good together, but after over a year of telling her that i can't live with that part of her, i finally cracked and said it was over. I love this girl with all my heart and i care for her more than anything....but i simply cannot deal with this treatment. she makes me feel like i'm on probation and she constantly has to breathe down my shoulder. anyway i guess you can say i'm asking if it's true what they say. that "if you love her, let her go. if she comes back, she's yours. if she doesn't, she never was."Is this true? because right now i'm relying on this. I'm actually seeing what she is going to do. i'm sad. :'(
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): I'm sorry to hear you are feeling sad at the moment. It is understandable. Personally, I think you did the right thing in ending the relationship. No matter how much we may care about someone, there is only so much we can take. It sounds like you put up with her insecurity for a long time, and finally reached your limit. It is very sad to hear that she is so insecure, but that is really something she needs to try and deal with. Perhaps being in a relationship just won't work for her while she is like this. So I really do think you made the best decision you could.
As far as that saying goes, I don't know if it's true. But I'm not sure if it is really appropriate in this situation. It depends on what you mean by relying on the saying. Do you mean that if she accepts it is over and doesn't try to contact you, it is really over? But if she contacts you to ask for another chance, she will be yours again, and you will get back together? Because I guess I am thinking, you broke up with her for a reason. So even if she contacts you and wants to try again, the issues will still be there. So maybe it is more about you needing to believe in your decision, and sticking to your guns so to speak.
If I have misunderstood you though, then I do apologise. Maybe the break up might make her see how her insecurity is affecting you, and she might be willing to try and work on those problems, rather than give you a hard time. If that is the case, then I guess you could always give things another try and see if you can improve things together, if that is what you want. But she must also be willing to work at finding ways to cope with her insecure feelings. If she isn't willing to do that...then the problems will just start up all over again.
It is natural to be sad after a break up. But if you believe it was the right thing to do, if deep down you KNOW you did the right thing, then try and stay strong. It hurts a lot at first, I know. I have been there too. But it won't feel that bad forever. You were together for quite a while, and the break up is still new, so it will be difficult for a while. But it can and will get better.
I hope something here helps. Take care. x
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