A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So me and my friend (friend A) were talking about going on holiday next year as we will be 18 and we can finally go away without parents, However one of my other friends (friend B) has asked me to go away with her and 9 others next year too, and i said like 2 year ago that i would, but i forgot. So no i've planned to go away with 2 of my friends at the same time. How do i tell 'friend A' that I can't come/already said i would go with my other friend. Oh, also, we can't all go together as both of my friends don't like each other :\ Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thankyou!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (31 August 2012):
 I'm giving you this advice in the full knowledge that at 17 you may not be able to understand or follow it.
You need to think not about which words ti use but about the message you are really sending. What you are in effect saying to friend A is that you are going to side with Friend B and her crew of 9. You know they dislike friend A, but their approval is more important to you than Friend A is.
Now I don't think that there really is a nice way to say that. No matter how you sugar coat it Friend A is going to be hurt. I know you have made your decision. I don't want you to rethink it. I just want you to fully understand how Friend A is going to feel when you drop this bomb.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've decided I want to go on holiday with Friend B. So, how do I tell Friend A?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2012):
 ah so I am betting you mentioned your plans with friend A to friend B who then reminded you about it?
if you are 17 and you promised this at 15, and the trip is planned for age 18, I personally would think that friend B brought it up out of jealousy....
if you spoke of it at 15 and have not been working on the plan with friend B and NINE other girls since you originally spoke of it (so much so that you forgot about it) I think that letting friend B know that you honestly forgot since NONE of the ELEVEN of you had mentioned it in two years.... and since there are only two going on your trip with A vs ELEVEN on the trip with B, you are SURE that B can understand you feeling that A needs you more.... and you won't be quite as missed on B's trip. Or something like that....
In addition you can plan to go away with B later on if you like.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 August 2012):
 You just do whichever you want to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, Friend B Recently spoke about the trip which is what reminded me.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (30 August 2012):
Wow, I'm impressed with your integrity. It is admirable that you honor your commitments. Now you are double committed. Etiquette would say that you honor the older commitment first. That is not the only factor to consider. There is also the state of the plans. The importance of the events, as well as the importance of the people.
There are still many months to go before the event so adjustments can be made.
I have some funny doubts in the back of my mind about this. It seems suspicious that the friends B who don't like Friend A are suddenly remembering that you were to go with them. Are you sure this isn't a conspiracy?
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 August 2012):
do you and friend b still talk about the trip?
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