A
female
age
30-35,
*rs07k
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 1/2 years. We are at different colleges, me in Florida and him in New York but he lives in Florida and comes home for breaks. We spent most of last year broken up trying to figure things out since it was our frist year apart at college. Basically we broke up and decided to see other people and he had sex with one girl and I didn't have sex with anyone. We decided to get back together in the middle of the summer and have been happily together every since. Well, I have some trust issues. He worked as a life guard with some very pretty girls over the summer and he would constantly hang out with them and not invite me or neglect to tell me he would be hanging out with them. He went to dinner with two of them regularly and they even went to see a concert. He even told me he was attracted to one of the two he kept hanging out with. I didn't like that...obviously. Well, now he's telling me that he might live in a house with two girls I don't know and the 3rd person is going to be the girl he had sex with. I'm not comfortable with that but I trust him. I just really hate her and I don't know what to do. Also, he'll be coming home for Thanksgiving and I know he's going to want to hang out with those other two girls. I don't really want him to but he does what he wants when he wants. I don't hang out with guys so that he isn't uncomfortable. Is it too much to ask him to do the same? I'm very confused and don't know what to do. I don't want to be too controlling but I also feel like he does what he wants while I try to restrict myself and it's not fair. Please help!
View related questions:
broke up, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tanpopo +, writes (31 October 2008):
 i would say that seeing as how you've both been together for so long asking for a little give would not be a bad thing. worst he can do is refuse, but trust issues are trust issues. even if you say you trust him simply by worrying about this means you don't trust him about it, as well as the other people. it simply means you DO need to ask him for reassurance or a compromise. there is nothing wrong with you wanting to be sure of the stability of your relationship. you need to sit down and talk with him about this- i am not going to say "be prepared to get hurt" to make it sound like all of it will go down hill- because i do not know him, however, he needs to know that it makes you uncomfortable and needs to be thinking about whether or not it will in his own time. it should not be that he only thinks about it when you bring it up. every relationship should be give and take on both sides- there should be an equality to it. you really just need to talk to him about it. let him know what is going on- and make sure you are satisfied before you say "ok".
|
