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I have reason to believe that I cannot trust my man, what do I do?

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Question - (24 September 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 25 September 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *xc_sam_92 writes:

i have reasons to belive that i cant trust my boyfriend. but i love him too much to let him go. what shall i do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007):

Remember this: without trust relationships can't survive no matter how much you love each other.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007):

Wow this is a tough one. I used to be one of those hard headed women who was scornful of girls who put up with sleazeballs. Until I started dating one of them myself. I am still not even sure how I feel about the whole thing.

I think the thing is that some men are prone to be unfaithful and untrustworthy. While others aren't. Just because they are prone doesn't mean they will be unfaithful it just means they could be. Whereas good men probably won't be unfaithful ever.

Well I guess you have to decide whether it is worth it to you or not. I mean putting up with a guy who cheats has severe repurcussions on your feelings of self worth and on your self image. Once your ego is severely bruised, you have no concept of yourself and perhaps no love or faith left in yourself. And when you feel this way, you start to believe that you love that person and can't live without him. Not because you actually do but because you simply crave everything that he could never give you. You start to believe that the only way you can ever be happy is if he loves you back. It really is a vicious torturous cycle because the truth is that they will never love you back. In fact this kind of man probably never loved you to begin with. I personally find this kind of man very dangerous because the pain that they will make you go through can be unbearable and the scars it can leave you with are very deep and can last a long time.

I think this is what you are going through and this is why you feel this way. My suggestion is that if there is any possible way you can stay away from this guy, then by all means get yourself away from him. The pain is only going to get worse even though a part of you believes that maybe things will get better. It never gets better. Only worse.

You are young and still growing and learning. You are lucky that you are in school and can meet alot of people your age. And at your age it is so easy to develop crushes and move on. I would try to distance myself from him. And there are so many good guys out there. You'd be surprised! There's alot. Give someone else a chance. I bet you'll be much happier. Just try it.

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A male reader, Frank B Kermit Canada +, writes (25 September 2007):

Frank B Kermit agony auntIt is not about how he makes you feel or how you feel about him.

It is about how he treats you. If you can not trust him, he is not treating you well enough.

-Frank B Kermit, author of I'm a Man, That's My Job.

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A female reader, Basschick Australia +, writes (24 September 2007):

Basschick agony auntWhat has he done to make you feel this way?....I would have to know more, before I can help you out.

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A female reader, leanne.od United Kingdom +, writes (24 September 2007):

leanne.od agony auntyou're so young and if i'm honest a teenage guy with hormones racing wants to experiment and not be tied down in a relationship.

although you love him, it's better to have fun and enjoy yourself now and wait until your older for a serious relationship. the emotional and stress factors are enough alone to cope with, not to mention the fear of him cheating.

i say, let him go, have fun and later if you're meant to be, it'll happen and if not, a lesson learned.

best of luck

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