A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,I am a seventeen year old male, and I have never consciously orgasmed. I've had several relationships (they were physical, though I remain a virgin), and have looked at porn on the internet for many years, but have never been brought to orgasm. Male anorgasmia is a fear, but, my understanding is that, if I have the ability to have a wet-dream (Which I do) then, it is highly unlikely that I have it. Advice I have received in the past suggested that I was simply not having adequate stimulation to bring myself to orgasm, but, innumerable attempts with different stimuli have produced no results.The confusion and frustration at this problem is constant and discouraging. I have recently entered into a new relationship, and would very much like to finally be able to enjoy my sexuality with a partner.What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (7 February 2009):
 Yes, you're welcome. In sexuality, for both genders, there is something called the "point of inevitability," meaning of course that something is going to happen and you have no way to stop it. That is what happens just before the tremendous release of tension that accompanies an orgasm. Due to sensory stimulation, you reach a point at which it is out of your control.
It's quite similar to a serious need to urinate when there is no readily accessible place to do it, so you hold back long enough to arrive somewhere - the rest room, behind a bush or wherever - and finally you can let it go.
Think of yourself as a being that goes around all day long building up tension, for whatever reason. Sex is one way to release that tension. There are other ways, such as drinking, exercise, valium (muscle relaxant), etc, but the best of all is sexual release through ejaculation, and both genders do it. Women typically release just a small amount that often goes unnoticed, while nature requires that males ejaculate much more in order to facilitate reproduction. To that end, nature makes it feel fantastic in order to encourage us. And it's a very healthy release of all that tension.
As "Jager" suggests, being able to control the release can be a very good thing, but you also want to be able to give it up. Don't worry or obsess, you will eventually get there, and there is no time limit, especially at age 17.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much DoubleM and Jager!
In answer to DoubleM: it is quite likely that what you say is the case. I am a very control-minded person, your typical 'type-A' sort of person. I had received advice along the lines you gave, and had trouble "letting go" long enough to achieve anything. Any recommendations you could make in regards to some sort of mental regimen or programme, would be greatly appreciated.
And now to Jager: you've given some interesting advice, and a particularly interesting perspective. I never thought of this problem as a potentially beneficial circumstance.
I suppose the message of both your answers is true enough, and certainly helpful: keep trying, and don't obsess over things.
Thank you very much for both of your answers.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (6 February 2009):
You possibly should simply relax your mind about this, because at your age this should really NOT become an obsession. There are at least a dozen reasons that you may be mentally resisting orgasm, perhaps most likely a bit of obsession with lack of control. Orgasm is a release, a kind of submission. You have to "let go" of control. You may be someone who is obsessed with maintaining control, which when applied to sexual activity, may suppress your ability to give in. Unless you have some medical condition, then perhaps this suggested remedy could be valid, but it's difficult to assess with limited information.
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A
male
reader, Jager  +, writes (6 February 2009):
to be honest at 17 it's really not that much of a problem. I would use it to your advantage. You say you have tried so im guessing your Hard when you do this. Can you get an erection? if so when you chance comes up have sex with this girlfriend and go untill it happens. You might just find that you take longer to orgasm than the normal man. if you can orgasm then having sex is the key. keep going till you orgasm if you dont think you can but you still have an erection then ok thats not so good. but again you can use it to your advantage and just have sex untill she tell you she cant do it any more. she will love you for it. most guys dream of being about to last for hours. if you cant get an erection then go to your doctors and get it sorted mate
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