A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I seem to be having a very strange time finding a man. Well, obviously you are everywhere, but its one that is attracted to me. I'm a pretty, confident girl, yet no man has ever looked twice at me. If they are they don't approach me. I don't believe in this idea that women should make the first move. I like a couple of guys I work with, but although I get on well with them, I can't tell if they just see me as a mate or as a woman they'd like to date. I know this sounds stupid but I need help. What can I do?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Well, if you don't believe in taking the initiative do you at least believe in responding to careful advances to see if you are interested?
It may be that your attitude just tells guys, "no way" so they don't bother partly because in the work place the term 'sexual harassment' is so easily used.
If you do not take the initiative you got to make very certain you at least respond when they do and accept that few men are confident enough to keep trying without the woman making some moves of her own.
For that matter, I am not sure I even would want a woman who never takes the initiative. Would that mean that when you are in a relationship he is always the one who must initiate romance and/or sex?
It may very well be that they only see you as a mate because you never gave them a signal that you were interested in anything else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2008): Guys are usually pretty simple. If you give them positive signs, they will give you positive signs back. If they are interested in you, and you act in a way around them that let's them know you are interested (aka smiling, talking, being nice, flirting, etc.), they will probably ask you out.
I'll ask you out though if you are still having trouble :)
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Is it that you dont believe in taking the first step because you think thats a mans role or is it that you really are frightened of the concept of rejection so much you wont even try.
I hate to tell you this, but this isn't the Victorian era and men are no longer interested in woman who dont have a backbone. They themselves like to be chased just as much as you do and you have to give them the right signals to give them the hint they should be going after you. If you basically have a guy who comes up to you and talks to you you should be giving them some sort of signal to take a deeper interest.
In this world you have to go for what you want. There is no sense just letting something you want fly past you just because it doesn't fall into your lap.
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A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (23 June 2008):
 Ah iv been in this kinda situation once or twice in my life, but i came to to conclusion that i have to take things into my own hands! If the blokes you like are just seeing you more as a mate, you dont have to make the first move or anything, just try a bit of harmless flirting to show your interest! Its bound to get you somewhere and noticed as more than just a friend, without making it blaitently obvious that your trying to make the actual first move, if you know what i mean? All the best x
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