A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm wondering if I give up too easily on girls. The reason I ask is Because I have a short tolerance for them. For instance. Just today I finally got up the nerve to talk to this girl that I had been crushing on for a while. I went to her table to talk to her. The first minute or two seemed like it was going okay. Until out of nowhere she got up and went to another table to talk to one of her female friends. I honestly never felt more dissed in my life. Right then and there I checked her off of the potentials list. She was friendly to me on separate occasions but that one incident seemed to have made a lasting impression on me. There are other times I think I give up to easily. I'm not exactly sure how and when I should call it quits. I did like her but the last thing I wanted was to be a pest. I know how it feels to have someone that just doesn't get the clue. To have them constantly bug you by giving unwanted flirtatious attempts. I DON'T Want to be the person that can't read the hints.But at the same time, I wonder if I'm giving up too early when it comes to flirting with girls. So here's my question to you. Do you think I gave up too easy on the girl at the table? I really do like her and I feel as anything short of a "Im not interested" should not be acceptable to me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 May 2012):
 Maybe what you need to consider is taking your expectations down a notch. I'm willing to be that the girl you approached had no idea that you had a crush on her. And even if I DO think she was rude to walk of if you two were having a conversation, I'm not sure what you expected from her. To sit and hang on your every word? To have a great intellectual conversation? To fall madly in love with you?
Girls feel safer in "packs" be it in school or out. So my guess would be that she maybe wasn't sure how to keep the conversation going and that is why she went over to her friend. Not to dis you.
Rome wasn't build in one day, neither are getting to know another person or "feel" them out.
In the future make it short and sweet. If you are interested in a girl, say hi to her when you see her, stop and talk for a few minutes, try and read (if anything) her body language and try not to over analyze the other person.
Don't give up on yourself or a girl so fast. Or you will be single for the rest of your life. A girl is not going to fall into your lap.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2012): "I DON'T Want to be the person that can't read the hints."
Then you'll one of the first guys in the world who can OP.
I have a past partner count nearing the triple digits and even I can't read any but the most blatant signals.
Yes you gave up far too easily. You see OP girls don't take hints well either. How are they to know the difference between a nice friendly chat and a come on? Because in my experience the only real difference is asking them out.
You're over-thinking things to the point where you expected certain things to happen when you finally made your move on her, but her friend caught her attention and all of a sudden now it has made you ever so slightly bitter and you've crossed her off your list.
Stop thinking so much and try shoot from the hip more OP, you're putting too much pressure on yourself to perform and when things don't go the way you expect you get downhearted. You're putting too much time and thought into things before you make your move and if they don't immediately respond to that move in a way that's obvious to you, you give up.
So yeah, you do give up too easily. Just because a girl isn't captivated by your amazing powers of seduction, and just because she doesn't sit there longingly gazing at you doesn't mean she isn't open to getting to know you better nor does it mean you can't make her interested.
It's not a short tolerance OP, it's just bad technique and wrong expectations.
"I honestly never felt more dissed in my life."
See what I mean? If that was just one of your buddies that went over to talk to someone because they had something to tell them you wouldn't feel that strongly would you?
OP just ask her out next time you get the chance. Think of something fun and ask her to join you. But try and get rid of your perception of the whole thing and go with the flow. I've dated girls who seemed very disinterested for a few dates, texted constantly while at meals, answered their phones and while it is annoying and inconsiderate, some of them were actually interested in me they just were nervous, had important things going on etc. Stick with girls and give them the benefit of the doubt for a little while. Try not to be so superficial.
The one thing I've learned about hints is you ignore them. Seriously, if I spent all my time reading hints and acting on what I thought they meant then I'd still be a virgin.
Ignore hints, assume they're interested but you just haven't pushed the right buttons yet. It's too easy to misread hints and you're basically shooting yourself in the foot.
OP there is nothing wrong with a guy who girls moan about not taking the hint, that's their own fault anyway they should be forthright with him instead of hoping he's a mind-reader. Don't listen to what girls moan about because those things are very dependent on the guy himself. One guy who can't take hints is annoying because he can't figure out on his own yet a guy they're interested in not taking hints is just persistent and showing desire. You see what I mean? It's very much contextual. Like how one guy calling a girl beautiful may be creepy to them but a guy they like saying it can be a warming compliment. Unless a rejection is very obvious then assume nothing.
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A
female
reader, _crystalxo  +, writes (6 May 2012):
It does seem early to check her off your potential list so quickly. I personally think you are doubting your ability. Unless she tells you youre being a pest or becomes clearly annoyed of you, i dont see a reason to give up on her. But what she did at that table was wrong. Try approaching her with the issue to tell her how it made you feel and go from there. Good luck !
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