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female
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anonymous
writes: hi i,m 22 and i have feelings for another woman. The thing is she is 39 and she is my therapist. She is married and has a son who is 12 yr's old. I can't stop thinking about her and i,m sure she has been flirting with me. My feeling's for her have grown and i sense there is a mutual attraction between us. But she is confusing me because i feel as if she is blowing hot and cold with me. And also when i discuss with her about any of my new relationships, her face just drops. Recently i have ended my relationship with my ex boyfriend and she seems happy about it. And before i ended my relationship and after it she has been touchy feely with me. She has mentioned a few times that i,am attractive. But when she does these things ahe always talks about her husband or her son and that makes me confused. recently we have been out together to a wine bar and i,ve noticed that her behaviour towards me changed and that she was being very flirtatous towards men even though she is married. I can't help thinking whether she was doing that to make jealous and to tell you the truth it worked! After that i felt as if she was distancing herself from me. I know this is all wrong and there have been times when i have been tempted to tell her how i feel. But i could'nt because she has got more to lose than i have i.e job,marriage, her son and her reputation as well . But i having to lose. I don't know what to do because it is driving me insane. I,ve told my friends about the situation and they think that she doe's like me. I want advice i know that i,am not reading in to things about what or how she is with me. I don't know whether to stop seeing her as a therapist.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): I agree with Dr Pete. It doesn't matter whether you are getting crossed signals or not. this therapist is not helping you. May I suggest you cancel appointments with her and move to someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2006): Your therapist is breaking a code of conduct and is being utterly unprofessional, what she is doing is ethically and morally wrong.
It is not surprising that she has left you in this confused state.
First, you are young and the fact you are seeing a therapist indicates you are also vulnerable right now.
Seeking someone with whom you can talk about your problems, and feel understood is bound to have emotional consequences with regards to your feelings towards her. You are bound to develop "feelings" for any therapist; no matter what sex, gender or age they are. A therapist knows this; and acts accordingly in the best interest of their client; they are trained to deal with ensuring you do not become emotionally attached to them.
This is why it is so paramount that people in your councellors position do not over step the line. Your therapist is clearly doing this.
Why is it that you are seeing a therapist?
How qualified, and experienced is she? Are you actually sure she can be trusted and has your interests before her own?
It sounds to me that perhaps she herself should be in therapy. You know far too much about her personal life, and I suspect that she is in no position to be counseling others.
Realistically, you have probably zero chance of having any kind of meaningful relationship with her. I think you know this; and I think, considering the circumstances, you have done well to assess this situation as well as you have done.
I personally think you need to realise yourself that nothing will come of your feelings for her, and then you need to tell her in no uncertain terms that you are no longer going to see her; nor do you wish to pursue any kind of affair with her. I would also be inclined to report her; no matter what you feel for her; she is ultimately taking advantage of you. I really do feel for you. You shouldn't have been put in this situation and I am ashamed that someone in such a position of authority has let you down like this.
I would like to know how things go for you - I wish you the best with whatever you choose to do though ok?
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