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female
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anonymous
writes: dear cupidI have suffered with depression for about 5 years. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year and now he has depression. I am on anti depressant and my depression was well managed. Although I understand how he is feeling and I want to be there for him I am starting to feel bad again. How can I be there for him at the same time as looking after myself?I love him so very much and am afraid that if he notices that his mood is affecting me like this he will feel worse.We live together and i am worried that if he needs space he wont tell me because he will see it as if he is throwing me out of my own home. (I have told him that I don't mind going out if he wants time alone) On the other hand I dont want him to think that i am trying to run away.please help
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female
reader, lillaum  +, writes (3 January 2006):
 Hi there,
I know that it can be difficult to help someone with depression. It is hard not to feel useless, but be sure that if you tell your boyfriend your there for him he will feel a little better even if he doesnt show it. Just knowing that your partner understands can be a great wiehgt of your mind.
A
female
reader, Angel Underneath +, writes (2 January 2006):
Okay well as you well know then depression isn't catching . Maybe the fact that you've been so honest about your depression has simply removed some of the taboo's surrounding it and your fella now feels that he can admit to feeling depressed and put a label on what he's feeling.
If your house of flat is big enough then could your boyfriend have say the spare room as his own space and if he needs to go in and shut the door then he will soon learn by the way you respect him and leave him to it , that you know he needs space and you don't take it as a personal slight!!!
Maybe some counselling would help ( together and seperate ) to get communication flowing and if you encourage your fella to get some counselling on his own too , then this sends a clear message that you understand that he has things to work out on his own and you're happy to step back and support him while he gets through this
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (2 January 2006):
It seems to me this is an issue of guilt in the relationship. You can't love wiht guilt, guilt is not good, people keep guilt in hope they will feel better but they only end up hurting others. It seems that you are and your bf are both afraid of hurting each other, and if you did you would feel very guillty, so instead you tip toe around each other- that isn ot the way. You need to allow each other to be upset. Even someone who is on medication for depression will have down days, those tablets don't make you a superhero, you will still have ups and downs and issues like NORMAL people do, its just they dont be as severe as what they did when you werent on medication. You need to allow each other to make mistakes, to be upset and to be angry and have all those emotions, not letting each other deal with the mand face them will only set you back in life. Because one day you will meet someone who doesn't care and they won't stop you from coming into contact with those emotions and you won't know how to deal. its best to learn with those you love and care for. Do you get waht im saying here?
An option to consider is for you both or atleast on of you to go into counselling. Although you are on mediicine, that only helps the phsyicaly side, it doesnt help the mental side. It won't help you deal head on with probelms. People who suffer from depression often havent learnt the vital life lessons to deal with issues in life when they should of. So that is why im suggesintg this. It seems like you and your bf ight not have great communication, but that can be worked on, through counselling.
I hope thise makes sense. take care
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